Live.Life.Now.

As we end one year and welcome another, it is my wish that you start to live more by staying in the present and find joy along the way. The older I get, the more convinced I am that the present moment is where we can find peace, happiness, joy and love. Don't linger in the past or think too long and hard about the future. Instead, choose to live life now as much as you are able and as best as you can.

The following is a heartfelt and thought provoking passage that I hope will inspire you to experience your life to the fullest.

"If I had my life to live over...

I would have talked less and listened more.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I'd have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten popcorn in the "good" living room and worried less about the dirt when you lit the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have burnt the pink candle that was sculptured like a rose before it melted while being stored.
I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and never worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television... and more while watching real life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.
I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the Earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day.
I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn't show soil/guaranteed to last a lifetime.
When my child kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now, go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more I love yous... more I'm sorrys... more I'm listenings... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it... look at it and really see it... try it on... live it... exhaust it... and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it."

- Erma Bombeck, Eat Less Cottage Cheese and More Ice Cream: Thoughts on Life from Erma Bombeck


What I take away from this reflection:

-Take time to be with those you love.
-Cherish the relationships you have with those who love you.
-Learn to say more often... Thank you, I love you, I'm sorry, and please forgive me.
-Remember, love is something you show and give away.
-Lighten up; don't take your thoughts too seriously.
-Value your life before it ends.
-Give the gift of presence.
-Life can be fun if you let yourself play.
-Look at the BIG picture.
-Define for yourself what it means to live and love your life and start NOW.

Enjoy the simple things in life because in the midst of the ordinary is where the extraordinary can be found. As the great civil rights activist, journalist and educator, W.E.B. Du Bois once said, "To the things worthwhile- sunshine and night, the dripping rain, the song of the birds, books and music, and the voices of our friends. Lift up your hearts to these." I don't think I can say it any better. Make a real effort to Live Life Now. After all, now is all we've got.

Thank you for reading!

Source: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/49262-if-i-had-my-life-to-live-over-someone-asked

Note To Self: Better Self-Care

Do you struggle with self-care? If so, you are not alone. It can be quite challenging to put ourselves first and tend to our needs. Most people are not naturally good at self-care and have to learn to see it as an essential part of their overall well-being. The truth is that no matter how good we become at taking care of ourselves, there will be times in which we will need gentle reminders to do so.

So what exactly is self-care?
Positive and deliberate actions you take to care for your body, mind, and spirit. It is knowing that you are important and deserving of good treatment.

How do we get better at self-care?
We commit to the practice one day at a time. Self-care must be something we think about, talk about and actually do every day to the best of our ability. Perfection is not an option while effort is everything. It is critical that we give ourselves credit for trying. The more we practice self-care, the better we get and the easier it becomes.
The goal is to make self-care a way of life and to keep at it no matter what our circumstances may be. We get better at self-care when we make the decision to do so; follow it up with good choices and drop the excuses, shaming, and blaming that are part of self-sabotage.

Why is it important to become better at self-care?
Here's the best reason: When you neglect yourself, you neglect your life.

The following are wise sayings to help you keep a healthy perspective and inspire better self-care:
1-You will need to be both loving and strong- strong enough to live with your weaknesses and loving enough to extend a compassionate hand to yourself when you need it. - Tian Dayton
2-Self-care is not about self-indulgence, it's about self-preservation. - Audrey Lorde
3-How you treat yourself is how you are inviting the world to treat you. - Anonymous
4-Self-care is not selfish. It's self-respect. - Anonymous
5-The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James
6-Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves. - Nathaniel Branden
7-Being extremely honest with oneself is a good exercise. - Sigmund Freud
8-Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. - Lucille Ball
9-Your problem is you're... too busy holding onto your unworthiness. - Ram Dass
10-You can't build joy on a feeling of self-loathing. - Ram Dass
11-You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love & affection. - Buddha
12-Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. - Rumi
13-Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives. - Louise L. Hay
14-Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting. - William Shakespeare, Henry V
15-We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle
16-If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. - Jack Kornfield
17-Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love. - Brene Brown
18-Lighten up on yourself. No one is perfect. Gently accept your humanness. - Deborah Day
19-The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I'm not going to let myself pull me down anymore. - C.Joybell
20-And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good. - John Steinbeck

Last words
Don't forget about you. Make it your primary interest to take better care of yourself.

Enjoy!

Coming Into Awareness

We are all a work in process. What this means to me is that every day is an opportunity for an awakening to occur within. It's a moment of becoming suddenly aware of something about yourself, for yourself. It's the moment you realize and understand that our greatest challenges in life can also be our greatest teachers. Any situation that you find yourself in can lead the way to your awakening.
Coming into awareness can start anywhere-anytime-any day.

Today can be the beginning of yours!

Here is my favorite poem on what it means to come into awareness. Truly Inspiring!

"The Awakening"

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people...and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

- Author Unknown

Your process of awakening is waiting for you to say, I'm ready to learn.
Anywhere-Anytime-Any day now.

How about right now?

Here's to life!

Let Go

What does it mean to Let Go? We hear this phrase often enough, but do we actually know what it translates to in our daily lives? Let me begin by saying that letting go does not come easy for many of us. In fact, it is hard to do. It requires effort and willingness to push forward in spite of our fears of the what ifs.

Consider the possibility that the struggle you are living with and the pain in your heart may be the direct result and consequence of not letting go. Perhaps it's a behavior, a person, a belief that you are clinging to. If so, you must know that holding on to hurts whether present or old serves to keep you stuck. What is the alternative? To let go. This is always an option. Remember, there is always another way. When you are willing to look at your life circumstances from a different point of view, then letting go becomes a real possibility.

Pain does not disappear on its own. You need to take some action. Whatever it is that you want to let go of, you must face it, not run away from it. Ultimately, it's what we think and what we do that will either hold us in a painful place or free us.

To let go is to allow for change. It is about being more realistic and accepting what is. It is a choice. It is a practice, moment by moment, day by day with slips and slides along the way. It is something you actually do. Why do it? To feel less pain.

Here is a recovery poem that gives meaning to the words, Let Go.

Letting Go

To Let Go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To Let Go is not to cut myself off; it's the realization that I can't control another.
To Let Go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To Let Go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To Let Go is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself.
To Let Go is not to care for, but to care about.
To Let Go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To Let Go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To Let Go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To Let Go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
To Let Go is not to deny, but to accept.
To Let Go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To Let Go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.
To Let Go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To Let Go is to fear less and to love more.

- Author Unknown


Enjoy!






    

Your Circle

Wise Life Tip:

               "Surround yourself with people who make you happy.
               People who make you laugh, who help you when you're in need.
               People who would never take advantage of you.
               People who genuinely care.
               They are the ones worth keeping in your life.
               Everyone else is just passing through."
                                                                                    - Karl Marx

This message holds true no matter what age you are. Carefully select the people you let in to your inner circle. Our thoughts, feelings and actions are greatly influenced by the people we keep around us.

A Simple Reflection:

Who makes up your circle? Is your circle a reflection of you? Who do you spend the most time with - at home, in the workplace and socially? Are they the positive influencers or negative ones?

Key factor:

As you become emotionally healthier so will your circle.

Pass it on.

A Story About Resilience

A Carrot, an Egg, and a Cup of Coffee

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her in the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes, she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, Mother?"

She explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. It's thin outer shell has protected its liquid interior, but after sitting in boiling water, its insides became hardened. The round coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which are you? Are you the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do you wilt, become soft, and lose your strength? Are you the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Do you have a fluid spirit, but after a death, breakup, a financial hardship, or some other trial, have you become hardened and stiff? Does your shell look the same, but on the inside are you bitter and tough, with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean actually changed the hot water, the very circumstances that bring the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and the flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

                                                                                                    - Anonymous

In life, things will happen of which we have little or no control over. During times like these it helps to remember: We decide what happens within us.


Enjoy!


Reference:

Zamore, F., Leutenberg, E. A., & Brodsky, A. L. (2008). Griefwork: Healing from loss: Reproducible, interactive, and educational handouts (p. 152). Duluth, MN: Whole Person Associates.                         

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The Miser

The Miser, does that ring a bell for anyone? Hint: Think back to childhood. It's one of Aesop's famous collection of fables which you may have heard of back in the day.

Fables are so fun to read and best of all, they are not just for children. They provide a wonderful teaching tool for all ages. There's a magic about them that brings to light valuable life lessons that are hidden in each one. Their message is a simple one, yet so profound. I absolutely love these short, truth-telling, attention grabbing stories that have stood the test of time. In fact, I love them so much, I plan to share different ones with you every now and again.

Here's one for your journey. As you read, think of how the message resonates with you. Remember, fables point out character flaws which we ALL have. If this happens to be one of yours, then see it as an opportunity for learning and a first step towards change.

The Story: A Miser had buried his gold in a secret place in his garden. Every day he went to the spot, dug up the treasure and counted it piece by piece to make sure it was all there. He made so many trips that a Thief, who had been observing him, guessed what it was the Miser had hidden, and one night quietly dug up the treasure and made off with it.
When the Miser discovered his loss, he was overcome with grief and despair. He groaned and cried and tore his hair.
A passerby heard his cries and asked what had happened.
"My gold! O my gold!" cried the Miser, wildly, "someone has robbed me!"
"Your gold! There in that hole? Why did you put it there? Why did you not keep it in the house where you could easily get it when you had to buy things?"
"Buy!" screamed the Miser angrily. "Why, I never touched the gold. I couldn't think of spending any of it."
The stranger picked up a large stone and threw it into the hole.
"If that is the case," he said, "cover up that stone. It is worth just as much to you as the treasure you lost!"

                   "A possession is worth no more than the use we make of it."

The Lesson: What if, we replace the word "possession" for skills, talents, natural gifts, love or anything else we value. Take a moment if you will to reflect and see what comes up for you. Have you ever hidden something that was special to you? Are you holding out on someone or something that is precious to you? If so, how does that make you feel? As I see it, anything that we value, if neglected becomes meaningless. I understand we sometimes lose sight of what we have and how to make the best use of it. It happens. Just know, you can always make a change. I've learned that life is to be lived and the best way to do this is by bringing out and sharing our hidden treasures for the greater good. Remember, it's about what we do with what we have that matters most. Hope you can take something from this lesson.

                               What do you possess? How are you using it?


Stay tuned for more: Fable of the Day!

Enjoy!

Partially adapted from http://www.read.gov/aesop/112.html

The Pie Principle About People

"1/4 of all people will like me no matter what I do, 1/4 will dislike me no matter what I do, and 1/2 of the people in the world won't care one way or the other no matter what I do."
- Author Unknown

The above is an excerpt of an article written by someone from the Cape May Stage many years ago. As it turns out, I was vacationing in Cape May, New Jersey when I came across this write-up. As I remember, much of the article had been torn out and what remained were these words that I have since then referred to as the pie principle about people.

You can't please everybody, is what this basic principle is all about. Simple enough to understand, yet so challenging to live from this truth and put into daily practice. We tend to get hung up on others' opinion of us instead of paying attention to what we genuinely want to do and allowing ourselves to be okay with it.

I must tell you that I have carried around this passage with me ever since that day and have over the years used this perspective about people to lift the burden of wanting approval from others, or fretting about not having it. It helps to call these words into use as a way to curb our approval-seeking behavior and tendency to over-think how others are going to see us.

It's human nature to want to be liked, but many times our desire for approval results in sacrificing what's most important: The freedom to be who we truly are. We must be willing to express what we really mean; do what we believe is right for us, and live the life that we want to lead regardless of how others are going to react to it. The one caveat worth mentioning is that in choosing to do what feels right, we must always consider the consequences of our actions and take responsibility for them.

Letting go of wanting and or needing approval from others begins with practicing good self-awareness which in most cases can mark the beginning of change. It is not enough to admit that we are good enough. We must come to accept that we are.

How do we come to accept ourselves? First and foremost, it is a choice. Secondly, it's a daily practice of paying attention to our inner self. Most importantly, we must learn to give ourselves that which we are seeking from others which for many of us is love, acceptance, and approval. Be prepared to make lots of mistakes and bad decisions along the way. But rest assure that for every imperfect moment is a teaching one waiting to come out.

It's been decades since that day when I discovered the pie principle about people, but I can still recall vividly my initial reaction of relief realizing that living up to other people's expectations can be a trap that takes us away from our authentic self.

As the saying goes, just be yourself, everyone else is taken. What you stand to gain is a deep sense of peace and confidence that no one else can give you but yourself.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

I wish you peace, freedom and a healthy dose of self-appreciation.

Cheers!

















































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Great Reads

I am a book lover who believes in the gift of sharing. The following is a list of books that have shaped my thinking and my life over the years. Books that have a healing touch can affect us deeply and help us grow. Consider making reading a part of your self-care practice. These are only a few and are not in any particular order.

The Art of loving by Erich Fromm, New York: Harper, 1956.

Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl, New York: Pocket Books, 1959.

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, New York: Simon & Schuster, 1978.

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, New York: Hay House, Inc. 1984.

As You Think by James Allen, California: New World Library, 1998.

Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M.D., New York: G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1998.

THE PROPHET by Kahlil Gibran, Sydney, Australia: Phone Media, 1996.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, San Francisco, CA: HarperOne, 1993.

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin S. Sharma, New York: HarperTorch, 1997.

Making Peace With Your Parents by Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D., New York: Ballantine Books, 1996.

When Bad Things Happen To Good People by Harold S. Kushner, New York: Avon Books, 1981.

Mothering Ourselves Help and Healing for Adult Daughters by Evelyn S. Bassoff, Ph.D., New York: Penguin Group, 1991.

Struggle For...Intimacy by Janet Woititz, Ed.D., Florida: Health Communications, Inc., 1985.

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, New York: Doubleday,1997.

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, California: Amber-Allen Publishing, 1997.

Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach, New York: Bantam Books, 1995.

Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali, Australia: Inspired Living A& U, 2003.

Creative Visualization: Use the Power of your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life by Shakti Gawain, Novato California: New World Library, 2002

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, San Francisco, CA: HarperOne, 2001.

The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D., New York: Harper & Row, 1985.

Staring At The Sun Overcoming the Terror of Death by Irvin D. Yalom, San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2008.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, New York: Barnes & Noble Classics, 2003 edition.


Happy Readings!

Ropes Of The Mind

The story of the elephant and the rope

As a man was passing the elephants at a circus, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.
He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. "Well," trainer said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."
The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.
-Author unknown

How many of us think of ourselves tied up to something from which we cannot break free? As in the story above, the ropes that bind us are in our hearts and minds, not on our hands and feet. They are the beliefs that we have about ourselves that have the power of holding us back in life. Just like the elephants, we too have tied ropes to our mind. We can and often do become victims of our beliefs, convictions and thoughts.

Life lessons for us all

-We are limited only by the thoughts, beliefs and convictions that we choose.
-Consider opening your mind to new ways of looking at your past, present and future. A shift in one's perception is key if you truly want to change your life.
-Recognize your pattern of thinking that keeps you doing the same thing over and over again.
-We tend to create in our life what we believe and feel is true for ourselves. Yes, our thoughts come to life and create our life picture.
-What we believe to be true about ourselves is what we live with and this has a profound effect on our day to day life.
-To change your life you must first be willing and ready to change yourself. Change your mind, change your life.
-When we defend our own negative beliefs, we are our own worst enemy.
-Your life is up to you. You get to decide who you are and how you will live out your life.
-It is possible to change your thoughts, beliefs and convictions.

Questions to reflect on

-How is what I believe to be true for me show up in my life?
-When facing difficult situations, ask yourself, what needs to change, the circumstances or your mindset.
-What beliefs about yourself and others are you holding on to in your mind that are not allowing you to progress in life?
-What is the relationship between what you expect in your life and what actually happens?
-Are you settling for less than you deserve simply because you are not open to new ways of thinking and being?
-What old beliefs are you holding on to that no longer serve you?
-What or better yet, who is in your way of experiencing a better life? A clue- it's nothing on the outside.
-What are the ropes that bind you? Are you ready and willing to break free?

It is true that our actions, or lack of, are an extension of our thoughts. A change in perception may be all that you need.

Enjoy!

Live With Truth

"The TRUTH: It may not lead you to where you thought you were going, but it will always lead you somewhere better." - Unknown Source

The way I see it...

Truth, as painful as it is sometimes, has a way of moving us in healthy directions. By lifting the veil of secrecy, TRUTH puts us on the road to healing and resolution.

There is a saying in recovery circles, "We are as sick as the secrets we keep." Remember, what you cannot let go of will continue to have a hold on you. Covering up the truth, turning away from or denying what is going on inside or around you, will get you nowhere in the long-run. Deceiving yourself or others may bring temporary relief but in actuality what it provides is a false sense of security and a perpetual state of confusion. All in all, self-deception motivates no effective change.

The truth on the other hand can help us move towards what is real and what is right for us. It is life-enhancing and can bring about positive change.

We often know the truth long before we are ready to acknowledge it. The truth is never too far from us. It lies beneath the many distractions we use to block awareness. But here's the thing: The truth does not go away. It cannot be ignored indefinitely; sooner or later, it will catch up with us and reveal itself.

To let ourselves see, hear and speak of what is true in our lives is far from easy, but one thing is for sure, to live with truth strengthens the spirit, not weakens it.
Let me make clear, though, I am not suggesting we share our inner most thoughts with anyone who will listen. We must always use our discretion and good old common sense. I am, however, firmly of the belief that to bring truth out into the open gives it a chance to transform into something other than pain. It can, after all, lead us somewhere better.

When we live with truth, we are honoring our life experiences-the good with the bad; seeking insight and understanding rather than a temporary fix; and opening ourselves up to see something different, something new, and something other than what existed before.

Life will bring us many surprises and the real challenge in our truth telling is learning to trust that we can live with what is true. Disregard the voice that says, I can't handle the truth. That is the voice of fear and resistance. Instead, use the truth as your inner direction to give meaning and purpose to your life.

I believe our most valuable life lessons come from living with the truth. It is my hope you consider looking at yourself and any part of your life that you may be refusing to see or open up to. There is no better time than now to start trusting what you know in your heart and live with truth.

The truth can set you free! The truth can keep you sane! The truth can give your life direction!

Enjoy!

To Laughter!

"A good time to laugh is any time you can." - Linda Ellerbee

When was the last time you laughed out loud and really felt it? If you can't remember, then you are definitely long overdue for one. Most of us would agree that good laughter is great medicine for life, however, all too often, we get so caught up in dealing with our feelings, issues and problems of daily living that we forget to laugh.

We must remember to carry our laughter wherever we go and be ready to use it! Our entire being depends on it. A dose of laughter as part of everyday life promotes good health. Laugh, smile; it has a positive healing effect on your body. In fact, the catharsis of laughter can be as profoundly therapeutic as the catharsis of tears. An example of this was observed in a session with a client who said "If I can't cry, I'm going to laugh." In this instance, the client was choosing laughter as a viable coping mechanism to help ease mild anxiety and fear, relieve stress, maintain a positive outlook and build on her resilience, all of which I might add are some of the benefits of laughter. It should be emphasized that laughter as a tool can be used for bonding and strengthening connections or as a way to avoid and block change. In this particular case, the client used laughter in a healthy way to assist in moving forward with change and make the rest of the work feel more manageable.

As you can see, laughter is a powerful tool for general sense of well-being and healing. And yet, it is probably one of the most underrated and underused tools we have. I must admit, I am one to neglect its usefulness and am writing this piece as a reminder that laughter works wonders and is a remedy none of us should do without.

Laughter simply makes us feel good. In fact, even when we don't feel happy, we can still find reason to laugh and feel better. I've learned that even when times are difficult, laughter can be the best prescription. The ability to laugh at ourselves and see the humor in life either in what we're going through or despite it can help us get through difficult situations we couldn't possibly endure otherwise. Viktor Frankl, who survived a Nazi concentration camp and wrote the classic book, Man's Search for Meaning once said, "I never would have made it if I could not have laughed. It lifted me momentarily out of this horrible situation, just enough to make it livable." The body, mind and spirit needs laughter for healing; therefore, make it a survival kit essential.

The remarkable story of Norman Cousins also speaks to the incredible power of laughter. Cousins was the editor in chief for Saturday Review as well as a pioneer and strong advocate in linking laughter to healing. He became well known for his best-selling book, Anatomy of an illness: As Perceived by the Patient (1979). Cousins related his experience of curing himself from a debilitating, life-threatening disease through the use of laughter. He survived it, by watching old Marx Brothers movies and laughing uncontrollably. His conclusion was that the practice of laughter essentially was the key to his full recovery.

Although the medical community has been reserved about embracing and supporting laughter for health, there is a growing body of research that shows laughter affects our body chemistry in a good way. Studies have found that laughter can strengthen the immune system, relax muscles throughout the body, reduce pain by releasing endorphins (the body's natural pain killers), lowers stress hormones, and stabilize blood pressure. In addition, laughter relieves stress, improves mood, helps us feel connected to others, and attracts others to us.*

It's undeniable- good laughter is a win win common sense remedy! There's nothing like a deep-rooted hearty laugh to create a state of peace in the body. It is vital in lifting our spirits and helps put difficult moments in perspective by making them seem smaller.  My conclusion: laughter is cheap medicine with no bad side effect; can't beat that!

If you're like me, who has a tendency to take life too seriously, then the perfect prescription for us is LAUGHTER. Consider making it a top priority to laugh more. It will change you and those around you for the better.

Laugh and be well.



*Partially adapted from www.helpguide.org/articles/...health/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.htm

"Dalai Lama's 18 Rules for Living"

I came across the Dalai Lama's 18 Rules for Living and wanted to share this with you. It is a collection of some of his quotes that offer practical advice and wisdom on living your life. For me, it serves as a philosophy for life that I believe everyone can truly benefit from. This profoundly therapeutic piece will take just a few seconds to read, but it is my hope that you take the time to think on these things.
If you like, please pass along. Spread the news!

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's
-Respect for self- Respect for others- Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.


Enjoy!

Source
www.youtube.com/watch?=_EvkgE08wSY

Take Responsibility, Not Self-Blame

                   
                 Take responsibility, not self-blame is a powerful tool for change!

A few words on this very important topic that may appear simple, yet in actuality, can be ambiguous. There are many folks who confuse the two. Responsibility is not the same as self-blame. Knowing and understanding the difference between the two is a valuable life lesson for us to learn. Let me explain.

While it is true that there is much to life that is beyond our control, let us not forget, we have the power to choose to take responsibility for ourselves and our lives. I believe the key to maintaining good mental health lies in taking responsibility for our own "stuff."

So what does it mean to take responsibility for our lives without self-blame?

To take responsibility...
*Is about keeping the focus on yourself, accepting accountability for your actions and acknowledging your influence and role in what is happening or not happening in your life.
*Enables us to create our own lives, regardless of the hand we've been dealt.
*Is empowering. Is a good habit for life. Eliminates the victim trap. Is the path to wellness.
*Shows willingness to look at the reality you are experiencing and take charge of your own life.
*Increases our motivation to make the effort to change; propels us forward and brings forth healing.
*Is liberating when we are able to see our part in what is going on, accept what we've done, learn from our mistakes and move on.
*Helps us to take ownership of all that is going on in our lives, the wanted and unwanted stuff and only then are we able to create something new.
*Is not judgment, but all about actions we are willing to take on our own behalf simply because we matter to ourselves.
*Gives you the power to change your life.

Self-blame...
*On the other hand is an attack on the self; It is not compatible with healing.
*Does absolutely nothing to relieve emotional pain or make your life better in any way.
*Engages you in a cycle of self-victimization. You tell yourself, you are not in charge.
*Is associated with fault and though this may feel like taking responsibility for what is going on, it really is not.
*Reveals a need to beat ourselves up which only makes us feel worse.
*Leads to self-punishment as you keep telling yourself, "I should know better. I shouldn't have done that."
*Carries guilt, shame, and overwhelming sadness, along with a sense of failure and defeat.
*Is surrendering our power to take charge of our lives.
*Hinders our ability to respond to situations or circumstances in which we find ourselves.
*Prevents us from seeing we always have a choice.
*Does not help you work through the emotions. In fact, it is a defensive block used to divert attention away from change.
*Is all about self-recrimination, self-judgment and reflects self-hatred.
*Perpetuates hopelessness and helplessness because all we are doing is going around in circles rather than taking responsibility for our lives.
*Serves to keep us stuck and unable to make the changes that we so much need.
*Says who you are, where you are and what you are doing is bad. What good can come from a place of self-condemnation?
*Is a way of avoiding responsibility.
*Does not work.

To take responsibility for your life without self-blame is to be committed to yourself. It is realizing that if you want to take control of your life, you must first accept the accountability that comes with living a life.

What you make of your life is up to you. Drop the habit of self-blame and pick up the one on minding your business! Get busy changing what needs changing and create the life that you most definitely deserve. You will not be disappointed.

Remember...
"Taking responsibility for being exactly where you are gives you the power to be exactly where you want to be." - Unknown

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." - Eleanor Roosevelt

The truth is...
"You've been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens." - Louise Hay

"When you think everything is someone else's fault, you suffer a lot." - Dalai Lama

"When you think everything is your fault, you will also suffer a lot." - Samsara


Enjoy!

Eckhart Tolle's Guide for Living in the Now

1. The past has no power over the present moment.
2. Now is all there is; there is no past or future except as memory or anticipation in your mind.
3. The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.
4. Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.
5. Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.
6. Life isn't as serious as the mind makes it out to be.
7. Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.
8. Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.
9. Always say "yes" to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say "yes" to life - and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.
10. Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learned something, in which case it's no longer a mistake. If you remain stuck, you learn nothing.
11. Awareness is the greatest agent for change.
12. That in you which recognizes madness as madness(even if it is your own) is sanity, is the arising awareness, is the end of insanity.
13. Instead of asking, "What do I want from life?," a more powerful question is, "What does life want from me?"
14.Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences.
15. Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.
16. There is a fine balance between honoring the past and losing yourself in it. For example, you can acknowledge and learn from mistakes you made, and then move on and refocus on the now. It is called forgiving yourself.
17. If not now, when?

Enjoy!

Sources:
Tolle, E. (n.d.). Retrieved May 23, 2015, from http://www.goodreads.com/works/quotes/840520-the-power-of-now

Eckhart Tolle Quotes. (n.d.). Retrieved May 23,2015 from http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/4493.Eckhart_Tolle

Books by Eckhart Tolle:
The Power of Now: A guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

Pain is Inevitable; Suffering is a Choice

Hi,

As I see it...

The choices we make dictate the quality of life we lead. This is true for how we manage emotional pain and the extent to which we allow the pain in our lives to turn into a problem of suffering.

All pain is inevitable. Whether it's physical, emotional or mental, pain has a way of coming back time and time again. We all experience pain and it always hurts. This just means, we are human and can feel.

We must accept the fact that we will have our share of pain at different times, in different ways, for different reasons. As you may know, pain comes in many forms, but what I am referring to relates to the natural occurrences of living. It is the pain that comes from abrupt changes in life areas. Whether it is loss of health, job, love, home, friendships, or loved ones, the end result can be one of heartbreak.

None of us like to experience pain, but the simple truth is that pain can serve us well. Pain is how the body communicates with us to let us know that something is wrong and needs attention. Pain can motivate us to change and lead us to health. It can teach us important lessons about ourselves and of course it's important to know that feeling our pain allows us to heal from it. There is no question that pain can benefit us, but we must be careful not to dwell on it for too long. Here's why: Holding on to pain causes our suffering.

Experiencing pain vs. Suffering with pain

Whereas pain cannot be avoided, suffering is a choice. It is possible for us to experience pain without suffering. This is always an option.

If you are suffering, know that there is relief. We can overcome suffering, but first we must want to let go of our pain.

Perhaps the Buddhist community explains it best, "...pain is what the world does to you, suffering is what you do to yourself."
Wow! What a profound statement.

Indeed, life and pain can sometimes become intimate partners. Pain comes. Pain leaves. Pain returns. However, we get to choose whether it turns into suffering or if we give it space and time and let it pass. What we do with the pain and how we choose to deal with it is an individual matter.

If you are hurting right now, it is important that you know two things: Suffering can be separate from pain and how you respond in a given situation will determine, to a great extent, whether you suffer or not.

When pain becomes suffering

"Suffering is attaching a story to a painful experience. And then telling the story a million times." - Tanya Radic

Suffering is a self-generated story that we tell about our pain. All too often, it's a story that we use to define who we are. Our suffering is a direct result and consequence of the meaning and interpretation we give to situations, events or circumstances in our lives. Our internal dialogue drives our emotional reactions. The story usually reveals what we really think and how we see ourselves.

When we suffer, the pain has become deeply embedded within our being. Often, a sufferer sees life mainly from the perspective of their suffering. In other words, it is what they think, see, feel and live by. Suffering is created and maintained by our way of thinking. We must never forget that the way we think, the emotions we feel and the story we tell become our life experiences. Therefore the only way to stop suffering is to change the story. We must be willing to reframe the story that we tell about our pain. There is no other way.

Another way of understanding suffering is to think about the phrase, "Add salt to the wound" which, as you can imagine, would hurt immensely. Well, suffering can be the salt that is added and rubbed to an open wound (pain) that already hurts. Our suffering serves to aggravate an already painful situation. Pain hurts and suffering only makes it worse and much more challenging for us to work through the pain that we have.
                                            
At its most basic core, suffering is holding on to pain far beyond its ability to benefit us. The choice to tell the story of pain many times over shows that we are not ready to let it go. And although there is therapeutic value in telling our story of pain, we must be willing at some point in our healing journey to let it pass if we are to continue to learn and grow from it.

How we perpetuate suffering

"People suffer because they are caught in their views. As soon as we release those views, we are free and don't suffer anymore." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Our views can either keep our pain close to us or send it away.

Quite often we perpetuate our pain by holding it close and replaying our hurts over and over again in our minds.

Here's what you need to know: When we hold on to pain, avoid, struggle, fight, hide or runaway from it, the consequence of this is always suffering.

When we ignore pain through avoidance, we don't learn important lessons and we repeat the actions that create suffering.

Denying and/or minimizing pain serves to block self-awareness and keeps our suffering intact.

When we are rejecting, dismissive or self-critical of the pain we carry, we actually prolong our suffering. Remember: What we resist, will persist. Pain cannot be avoided. It demands our attention.  Examples of rejecting pain are: "I have no reason to feel the way I do." "Why me?" "It isn't fair!"

Clinging to the past and longing for things to be other than what they are is a definite source of suffering. Keeping the past alive in the present, makes us active players in our suffering.

Mental preoccupation and ruminating on pain is what I refer to as running with our pain. We exert energy elaborating, obsessing and replaying it in our mind. This only serves to magnify the negative aspects of our story and keep us in misery. Our thoughts have the capacity to make us feel better or worse depending on what we choose to focus on.

There is also running away from pain because we are convinced that we can't handle it. We tell ourselves, "This will destroy me. This is too much." Running away from things that are unpleasant leads to suffering.

We all have the capacity to turn our pain into suffering. The good news is that we have a choice in the matter.

Suggestions on managing pain

"Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have-life itself." -Walter Anderson

Look directly at what is actually happening; face it. Accept what is now a part of your life. Handle it and then move on; Learn to let it go.

Consider the viewpoint that everything is an experience.

Make the decision that you want to let go of the pain.

Realize that pain is only part of your life experience. You are far more than just your pain. Your life does not have to be defined by pain.

Get into the habit of valuing the present moment, not taking anything for granted and you will be better prepared to take the good with the bad as it comes.

Appreciate the people and things you have, but don't cling tightly to anyone or anything. Understand the nature of change.

In times of your greatest pain, have your friends, children or family near you; they will want to help, so let them.

Step back from the situation. Seek to understand what you feel and what is actually causing you pain. Believe it or not, FEAR is never to far behind.

Look at the big picture so you can start to heal.

Take breaks from the pain by doing the things that make you feel better. Positive distractions strengthen us so that we are better able to manage the pain when we return to it.

Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. We all have negative thoughts, but we decide whether to reject them or dwell on them.

Feel what you need to feel. Don't block, deny or bury your pain. It's important to find healthy ways to release it.

Choose to go from defending to coping with life and you will be on your way to managing the realities of life.

In conclusion

I leave you with the following passage to give you hope and strength when facing pain or suffering.

                                        Like a golden beacon signaling
                                        on a moonless night,
                                        Tao guides our passage through this
                                        transitory realm.
                                        In moments of darkness and pain
                                        remember all is cyclical.
                                        Sit quietly behind; your wooden
                                        door:
                                        Spring will come again.
                                                                      -Loy Ching Yuen

Enjoy!

Related Website

http://buddhistsangha.tripod.com/noblepath2.htm
























            

30 Inspiring Quotes About Life, Change and Uncertainty

Hi,

Words can change our lives! If you believe this, then I'm sure you will benefit from life changing quotes to help you deal with change and uncertainty in a positive way.

Become comfortable with change and uncertainty and you will really start to live!

Here are some amazingly wise sayings that I hope you take to heart. Keep a few of these quotes in mind as you journey through life, change and uncertainty.

Enjoy!

1. "Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you... yet, someone survived... You can do anything you choose to do." - Maya Angelou

2. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." - Anonymous

3. "Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." - Rumi

4. "The best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing." - Theodore Roosevelt

5. "Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than actions." - Walter Anderson

6. "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." - Tony Robbins

7. "Each person's task in life is to become an increasingly better person." - Leo Tolstoy

8. "Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." - Jim Rohn

9. "I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." - Michael Jordan

10. "If you run you stand a chance of losing, but if you don't run you've already lost." - Barack Obama

11. "Sometimes, all it takes to change your life is to change your routine." - Stephen Richards

12. "Making a big life change is pretty scary. But know what's even scarier? Regret." - Zig Ziglar

13. "Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

14. "Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny." - Steven Pressfield

15. "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." - Unknown

16. "If you can't change the circumstances, change your perspective." - Unknown

17. "Other people do not have to change for us to experience peace of mind." - Gerald Jampolsky

18. "Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values." - Dalai Lama

19. "When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." - Viktor Frankl

20. "When you blame others, you give up your power to change." - Dr. Robert Anthony

21. "When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice." - William James

22. "Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves." - Mahatma Gandhi

23. "To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest." - Pema Chodron

24. "We must never forget that it is through our actions, words and thoughts that we have a choice." - Sogyal Rinpoche

25. "Change your thoughts and you change your world." - Norman Vincent Peale

26. "The smallest change in perspective can transform a life. What tiny attitude adjustment might turn your world around?" - Oprah

27. "Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it." - Lou Holtz

28. "Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor Fankl

Last words...

As you come across change in your life remember: "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - A.A. Milne

I leave you with the following passage from one of our greatest leaders of all time:
                        
                                        "If you can't fly, then run,
                                         if you can't run, then walk,
                                         if you can't walk, then crawl,
                                         but whatever you do,
                                         you have to keep moving forward.
                                                           
                                                          - Martin Luther King Jr.


                                 

Embrace Change: 18 Great Ways To Roll With It

Hello,


"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them, that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."
- Lao Tzu


The key to embracing change begins by accepting that life is change and there is really no way to stop it from happening in our lives. Change is the most natural thing in life. It happens to all of us, all the time. When we allow ourselves to face up to change, we generally come out the other side wiser and stronger. On the other hand, when we fight and resist change, we are only inviting suffering. You probably already know this, but I'll say it anyway: Resistance is the surest path to further discomfort and unhappiness. Stop holding on tightly to people, places and things. Letting go does not mean we don't care about what happens, but rather accepting that life doesn't stay the same. Nothing in life ever stays the same. Sudden abrupt shifts in life are unavoidable. There are no guarantees that what is here today will be the same or even there tomorrow. Our best recourse is to face up to the fact that life is a constant flow of change. If we truly believe this then we will be less thrown off by changing circumstances around us.

No doubt that change can be one of the most difficult of life's challenges. It is not always an easy road for us to take, but this much I know: We have the capacity to adapt to change and doing so is a sign of emotional health. Life is made up of ups and downs and we can learn to live with both. As a therapist, I get to see this in action through my clients who show resilience in handling whatever troubles come their way. They may be hesitant to act, but what stands out is their bravery in acknowledging their fears, doubts and struggles with change. It is their openness and sense of vulnerability that I believe enables them to slowly but steadily move with change and roll with it. As I see it, the more willing we are to express our true emotions about what we're feeling in relation to the change itself, the more able we are to learn from the experience, see the positive and keep facing toward change.

The reality is life changes in unpredictable ways. Without any warning things will happen that we have no control over. We may find ourselves dealing with life circumstances that are not to our liking or to our understanding, but we must remember that even if we can't control what happens around us, we still get to decide what we're going to do about it. Yes, we decide how we react to what changes. Our interpretation of change and how we respond to it is up to us. We can feel like a victim of change or we can take charge and do whatever we can to either change the situation or change the way we think about it. It is important to believe and trust that you can roll with change without breaking or falling apart. If you've done it before, you can do it again.

We must strive to embrace change and here's why: All growth requires change. When we are not willing to roll with it and choose instead to stay safe within our comfort zones, we become stagnant and life can become quite small and narrow. Ultimately, embracing change is what helps us get what we want to have in life-whether it is a loving relationship, stability, health, peace of mind, or just feeling good about ourselves. As you navigate change, keep this mind: Life moves forward and so should we.

Eighteen great ways to roll with change:

1-Learn to be okay with the initial discomfort of change. What feels good today will pass and the same holds true for what feels bad: It too will pass. Most things don't last long whether good or bad.

2-Change is part of life, not an interruption of it. Consider a shift in perspective. Remember, if you change the way you think, you change the way you feel.

3-Outward appearances can be deceiving. Some changes may appear negative on the surface but in actuality are a blessing in disguise. Roll with it and see.

4-Release your need for control. You cannot control everything that happens in your life, no matter how hard you try. Life is full of unknowns; accept this fact and you'll be less stressed.

5-Focus on what you stand to gain and not on what you are losing. We get stuck when dealing with change because our thoughts are primarily on loss. Ask yourself, "What good could come from this situation?" View change as a chance to grow and as an opportunity rather than an obstacle.

6-Focus your attention on the here and now. See everything as it is- not as it was or could be. Stop longing for things to be other than what they are. Staying in the present is one of the best ways I know to embrace change. Make decisions based on what is happening right now and use the present reality to move forward in your life. 

7-Give yourself time to get use to the change. What starts out new will become old and familiar soon enough. Once you adapt, you may discover it was the best thing that ever happened. Trust and believe that you will find your way in the midst of change.

8-Put one foot in front of the other. Keep moving! Taking some form of positive action is the best defense against panic, fear, and anxiety as it relates to change.

9-Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. Don't try to change what can't be changed. It's a waste of time.

10-Know that the main barrier to embracing change is FEAR. Do your best to work through your fear of failure, loss, abandonment, not getting what you need and losing what you have. While these fears are quite common, the truth of the matter is that what we are afraid of is never as bad as what we imagine. Don't let fears keep you from doing what you want to do. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

11-Get a handle on fear. Most of our fears are irrational and serve to keep us from changing when we need to. The best way to push fear into the background is by living in the present. Fear takes center stage in our mind when we live in the future and our thoughts are about the "what-ifs." So remember, fear or its cousins- anxiety, worry, or nervousness are likely to take hold of us when we are not living in the moment.

12-Stay open minded. Don't over analyze the situation and just get going! See change as a time to reassess yourself, life and your priorities. Seek to understand but don't get stuck asking yourself, "Why?"

13-When things change around us, see it as a sign that maybe it's time for us to change as well and do things differently. You can't make progress without change.

14-Anticipate change. Read the handwriting on the wall. Stay alert to signs of it and prepare as best you can for its arrival.

15-Don't forget your sense of humor. It helps to laugh at life's foibles as well as our own when we are facing up to change. Laughter helps us to let go and move on.

16-Take comfort in your routines. They help us stay sane as we go through change. Doing the things you love will carry you when you need it most.

17-Practice change in small ways and you will be better prepared in handling the big things when they strike.

18-Talk, feel and stay in action. Most importantly, turn to those you trust and love and you won't feel as alone. Leaning on others for encouragement and support can get you to embrace change a lot quicker.

Concluding thoughts:

The best way to roll with change is by learning to embrace it. Unending change is the way of life and is non-negotiable. So we might as well get better at it. Expect situations to continuously change, they always do. But remember, you get to decide whether you'll grow from them or let it affect you negatively. After all, you are in charge of your response. In fact, the only thing you have control of is yourself.
As you come face to face with change, remember that embracing it can make you stronger, build self-confidence, and give you a new lease on life. I hope you choose to go for it!
Accept what comes and meet it with courage, honesty, and commitment to make the best of your life.

May you embrace change and roll with it for peace sake!!!

Grieve On Grief's Terms

Hello,


The death of a loved one has been described by many as the saddest and hardest pain a person can feel. Losing someone, even when anticipated, is something for which no one is ever fully prepared. But sooner or later all of us will face bereavement. For those who have grieved and have come out on the other side, they know all too well there is no way around grief except through it. To grieve deeply is to live with an inescapable awareness that life has changed and you are not the same because of it. However deep your emotional wound, one thing is for sure: You have a choice on how you cope with your loss. As a griever, what you do with your grief is a very individual and personal choice that only you can make.

As someone who has grieved first hand and has served as a companion to those who journey through death and loss, I share lessons and basic truths on how to live through this experience with strength and vulnerability. But first, it is extremely important that you understand what it means to grieve well: Letting yourself grieve on grief's terms.

*Face your grief with honesty and acceptance; doing so is indicative of grieving well and will allow you to slowly find your way to heal.

*Grieving well is not about avoiding your pain and sadness, but of managing it each day as it comes.

*No two people will grieve the same loss in the same way. We each move through the experience of grief at our own pace.

*You will have successes along with struggles, but above all, you will have resilience to get through loss. We have the capacity to HEAL.

*Face your pain for it is the ONLY way to get better; doing so will not destroy you.

*Bottom line: You cannot heal if you can't feel your pain.

*The initial reaction to loss may be shock and numbness; you may experience forgetfulness, poor concentration, distraction, anger, overwhelming sadness, guilt, exhaustion, emptiness and feel lost. Remember, there is not a normal way to grieve.

*Give your grief a voice and share your story as many times as you need to.

*You must know that as a griever, you have a broken heart not a broken mind.

*The immense pain you feel now does not last forever; it will lift.

*Grieve as deeply as you must, but don't hold on to it as a measure of your love for the deceased. Let the pain subside and leave when the time is right.

*Grief has no specific time line so give yourself the necessary time you need with no expectations about when it will end.

*It has been said by many who have been down this road that grief does not leave you, but rather, you leave it to some extent and only when you are ready.

*It's "over" when you are able to live your life as "normal" as possible in the absence of that loved one.

*Be aware of the various distractions people use to disconnect from the self to numb their pain. These may include abuse of substances, medications, or overeating to name just a few.

*Create healthy outlets to deal with your grief. These may include: use of prayer, meditation, exercise, journaling, self-refection, and seeking others whom you trust to talk about your loss and its meaning.

*Nourish the emotional, physical and spiritual side of grief that can help you restore a healthy pattern of living.

*Grief is hard and you need not go at it alone. An essential step to grieving well is knowing it's okay to ask for help. A support group and/or an intimate network of family and friends can bring comfort and reassurance as well as much needed validation. Remember, we are wounded in the context of our relationships with others and we are healed in the same way. Loving and supportive relationships can help us through our journey.

*Talking and crying are self-healing tools for the bereaved and plays a significant part in recovery. Letting it out is your best medicine for healing.

*A journey through grief begins with pain and for many becomes one of healing. When we lose someone through death, we hold on to the relationship through our suffering. Learning to let go of the pain allows us to return to a relationship with the deceased through love. It is then, we can be comforted knowing the deceased loved one continues to live in our hearts, thoughts, and memories.

*Your healing process may bring forth an understanding that death ends a life, but not a relationship.

*Although your grief may not go away completely, it does change. Your healing is not a cure, but more of a coming to terms with your new reality that allows you to live more in the present and without constant pain.

*Certain aspects of your pain and symptoms of grief may resurface. If so, let this be okay.

*In time, you will learn to live with the difference that is now.

I have learned from both personal and professional experiences that no one who lets themselves grieve on grief's terms remains the same. We the bereaved have become stronger, and more at peace with our vulnerability as a direct result of our grief. For the newly bereaved, don't give up hope. Have faith that you will get through this too. And as you go through what may feel as endless grief, consider the recovery slogans of Alcoholics Anonymous "One day at a time" and "Easy does it, but do it," to help carry you from one moment to the next.

Final words...

In writing about grief, I am honoring the memory of my beloved brother who died on April 2, 2003. He was my younger brother and someone I loved with my heart and soul. I miss him everyday of my life and always will. I've learned to be okay knowing that a part of me will always grieve, most especially when his anniversary date approaches. Weeks before the actual day, my body starts to remind me of my old yet familiar grief and soon thereafter, my mind catches up and I am back there, though not like the first time in my first go around. My sadness is not as intense, but it is grief nonetheless. I must say that the anticipation of the anniversary day is much worse than the actual day. In fact, on the actual day I feel inner peace because it is then that my sadness lifts. On that very important day I may feel sad, but what carries me is my love for him. Here's the paradox of grief: Grieving on grief's terms will make possible for you to continue to have a connection with the deceased that is based on love and not just pain. My personal journey has taught me that love has no boundaries and exists regardless of space and time.
Having an understanding of what is going on inside of me and letting it out helps immensely. Grieving on grief's terms allowed me to see that life has changed, but it has not ended. When sorrow comes, I remember that I have experienced joy and will again. My brother loved to laugh and enjoyed life and so part of my healing has been to try to integrate these two best parts of him into my life. I am happy to say I'm getting better at it. I have grown in ways I could not have imagined. It is true that we can grow in spite of our pain and often as a response to it. For me, grieving well has given me the gift to live more fully because of it and there lies the meaning of my suffering.

When your time comes may you give yourself permission to grieve on grief's terms, and as you go through your journey, remember the words by Thomas Campbell, "To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."

Love and Live Well

Stop...and smell the flowers

Hello

"Don't hurry, don't worry. You're only here for a short visit. So be sure to stop and smell the flowers." ~ Walter Hagen

I love this quote for its simplicity, truthfulness and the wisdom it carries. As I see it, this is great advice on how we should live. Stopping to smell the flowers is truly a wonderful tool for living that really does make possible finding satisfaction in life. It is simply another way of looking at life that can actually help us to slow down, live in the moment, appreciate more the beauty around us and have greater awareness of what is. Sounds like a philosophy of life we should all aspire to, but the truth is, a lot of us, myself included, struggle to consistently put into practice. Despite my well intended efforts, I find I must remind myself often to remember to take time to stop and smell the flowers. Thankfully, when I do forget, my husband and daughter are right there to help me see what's really important.

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, we are moving so quickly, often reacting on autopilot with self and others, that it's easy to lose our focus on that which is close and dear to our heart. Naturally, when this happens, we fail to see and appreciate the day-to-day little things that are precious in our lives.

Conversely, if we just slow down and pay attention to what is inside, in front of and around us, we will take notice of what matters most. I've found that it's helpful to keep repeating and hearing myself say " Stop and smell the flowers," again and again. This strategy helps me to keep my priorities in order. It reminds me that indeed I have a choice of what I give my attention to. For instance, I can choose to worry, complain, overthink or stress out over things I have no control over or I can try to put my troubles in perspective, and not take life and myself too seriously. Better yet, I can learn to enjoy my short life here on earth no matter what.

Of course, it goes without saying that we must continuously look at the way we are living. In all honesty, I can tell you that I am able to enjoy more of what life has to offer simply because I am aware of it. Just like everything else that we learn in life, enjoying simple pleasures takes practice and consistent effort. The fact of the matter is that we must be willing to approach life with open hearts and eyes to see how extraordinary it really is. Moreover, we must understand that focusing on what is rather than what lies ahead or what has been, is what makes smelling the flowers along the way possible. I will admit, I am by no means a natural at this process, however, what helps is my willingness to adjust and readjust my attitude as is needed. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

The time to start is now because as you know, life goes by very fast. Once the time passes, it's gone forever and those special moments that you missed you will not get back. One of the things that I do to stay on track of the small beautiful details of my life is to try to live each day being conscious of my mortality. Yes, remembering that I will die helps me to not take my life for granted. Perhaps Dr. Gordon Livingston, in his book, Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, said it best: "Only by embracing our mortality can we be happy in the time we have."

Do the things that you want to do, Now! It does matter, because life is short. No matter how busy your life may be, don't forget to stop and smell the flowers. While you are planning your life, pursuing your dreams and goals, keep in mind that the real challenge is being aware of what we already have. I realize this is a lot easier said than done. It is one thing to know it and quite another to live it. Like many folks, I am prone to forget that I have much to be grateful for. I sometimes get bogged down with the nonsense of everyday life and become distracted, impatient, and easily frustrated. I too, lose sight of the "big picture." Luckily, once I see my behavior for what it is, I am able to change perspective.

On other point I want to emphasize is how much we tend to focus on what we want and still need in our lives. What if instead our focus was on already having? Isn't it all a matter of perception? I am convinced that changing what we focus on does make a real difference in our lives. You may want to consider this.

Life is a terrible thing to waste. Don't miss out on it. We must do our best to live in the present. Stop worrying about the future and instead, look for all the positive influencers in your life today. We know that life is hard and it's not always fair, but life is also beautiful, good and precious. There are many reasons for us to stop and smell the flowers.

Here's how:

*Spend time with those you love and give them your full attention.
*Engage in daily rituals to quiet the body and mind through: journaling, exercise, yoga, meditation, prayer, walks, and silence to enjoy the gift of reflection.
*Give yourself a free day to just be.
*Get out and enjoy nature.
*Have fun; be silly and laugh much.
*Sing and dance without a care.
*Enjoy the arts. It's a great way to soften the heart.
*Open your heart to love and don't be afraid to need the ones you love.
*Tell the people you love how much you care.
*Have meaningful connections with family and friends.
*Attend family gatherings and remember special celebrations.
*Love your pets and take lessons from them on how to live in the moment.
*Take in a beautiful sunrise and enjoy the sunset.
*Listen to your breath and smile knowing that breath is life.
*Stop being so serious and lighten up.
*Live just for today and enjoy life while you still can.
*Whatever you do, take the time to acknowledge life around you every day.

I'd like to leave you with these two simple yet powerful messages:

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
                                                             ~ Robert Brault

"Man is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."
                                                             ~ Dalai Lama



Enjoy!