The Pie Principle About People

"1/4 of all people will like me no matter what I do, 1/4 will dislike me no matter what I do, and 1/2 of the people in the world won't care one way or the other no matter what I do."
- Author Unknown

The above is an excerpt of an article written by someone from the Cape May Stage many years ago. As it turns out, I was vacationing in Cape May, New Jersey when I came across this write-up. As I remember, much of the article had been torn out and what remained were these words that I have since then referred to as the pie principle about people.

You can't please everybody, is what this basic principle is all about. Simple enough to understand, yet so challenging to live from this truth and put into daily practice. We tend to get hung up on others' opinion of us instead of paying attention to what we genuinely want to do and allowing ourselves to be okay with it.

I must tell you that I have carried around this passage with me ever since that day and have over the years used this perspective about people to lift the burden of wanting approval from others, or fretting about not having it. It helps to call these words into use as a way to curb our approval-seeking behavior and tendency to over-think how others are going to see us.

It's human nature to want to be liked, but many times our desire for approval results in sacrificing what's most important: The freedom to be who we truly are. We must be willing to express what we really mean; do what we believe is right for us, and live the life that we want to lead regardless of how others are going to react to it. The one caveat worth mentioning is that in choosing to do what feels right, we must always consider the consequences of our actions and take responsibility for them.

Letting go of wanting and or needing approval from others begins with practicing good self-awareness which in most cases can mark the beginning of change. It is not enough to admit that we are good enough. We must come to accept that we are.

How do we come to accept ourselves? First and foremost, it is a choice. Secondly, it's a daily practice of paying attention to our inner self. Most importantly, we must learn to give ourselves that which we are seeking from others which for many of us is love, acceptance, and approval. Be prepared to make lots of mistakes and bad decisions along the way. But rest assure that for every imperfect moment is a teaching one waiting to come out.

It's been decades since that day when I discovered the pie principle about people, but I can still recall vividly my initial reaction of relief realizing that living up to other people's expectations can be a trap that takes us away from our authentic self.

As the saying goes, just be yourself, everyone else is taken. What you stand to gain is a deep sense of peace and confidence that no one else can give you but yourself.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

I wish you peace, freedom and a healthy dose of self-appreciation.

Cheers!

















































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