The Whole You

        "The irony is that we attempt to disown our difficult stories to appear more whole or more acceptable, but our wholeness- even our wholeheartedness- actually depends on the integration of all of our experiences, including the falls." - Brene Brown

The quote reflects the idea that what makes us whole is honoring the full story which depends on the integration of all of our experiences, even the painful and difficult ones.

When we ignore, hide, or refuse to acknowledge our difficult stories for the sake of something or someone, in order to gain acceptance, or because of fear of judgment and shame, we disown important parts of ourselves.

Discounting or disowning our thoughts, feelings, personality flaws, including our mistakes and failures, often creates the need to keep running from ourselves. The price we pay is a disconnected, detached, and dissatisfied relationship with ourselves, rather than a strong, positive, and balanced sense of who we are. 

The alternative to a disconnection from self is to stay present and accept the value in all our lived experiences, both good and bad. They shape who we are, and neither should be ignored. Your entire personal history, when faced through honest reflection, can lead to processing and incorporating your difficult stories into the larger narrative of your life in a way that brings about emotional maturity and stability. 

When you think about integration and wholeness in your own life, understand that both are lifelong, continuous journeys. Neither is a destination, but rather a flowing process of revisiting and reworking inner struggles to release painful emotions that hold us back. 

Whereas integration is about putting all the pieces of your life experience together to form a more complete picture of who you are, wholeness is a state of self-acceptance, self-awareness, and self-understanding that leads to a sense of being okay with yourself. 

Integration comes first, then wholeness. 

Moving toward psychological well-being through integration allows for a deeper understanding and awareness of ourselves in terms of who and where we are in life. The result is a more honest existence, both internally and externally. By choosing to be more genuine, we begin to notice a shift in our perspective, from showing only the parts of ourselves we like to presenting a more authentic self, with all its strengths, flaws, struggles and vulnerabilities. Staying true to yourself involves aligning your behaviors with this new awareness. Many, if not most, people find that consistently living by one's values can be quite challenging, requiring a commitment to practice and self-awareness. Still, the payoff is well worth it if the goal is to reduce internal struggle and feel at peace with yourself.   

Being open to self-kindness, self-acceptance, and understanding of all parts of yourself, both positive and negative, offers the opportunity to nurture the whole you. 

The irony is that when we face and accept the parts of ourselves we dislike, something quite remarkable happens: choosing to see them, expose them, and give them your attention changes the way we relate to them. They stop being things we fear, hate or feel shame about. Choosing to let go of the negative self-judgment we carry creates a path toward acceptance of what is, which means embracing your entire reality, including painful or difficult parts. From this perspective, you are working with reality, not against it. You work with your inner wounds rather than resisting or fighting them, for the benefit of improved wellness. 

Personal therapy is an effective approach that can help facilitate the integration of these difficult experiences, but it is by no means the only path to emotional recovery. Creative practices and activities such as journaling, drawing, painting, music, dance movement, yoga, walking meditation, mindfulness, and the emotional freedom technique, (EFT) tapping, to name just a few, can also support this process.

As you face and deal with past events, feelings and imperfections, you begin to create new understanding and meaning of what happened and you absorb the lessons learned without the same level of emotional intensity as before. The end result is a more balanced view of yourself and your life. Integrating our emotionally charged experiences helps us reframe and transform suffering into meaningful parts of our life story, allowing us to move forward with a deeper connection to self.

There is no question that integration offers an opportunity to better understand yourself by connecting present behaviors to past experiences, recognizing present triggers rooted in past history, and exploring ways to better navigate future challenges. It is important not to lose sight how the past is present.

We all carry inner wounds.  And even though pain is unavoidable, we can find ourselves through pain. No matter one's life story, there is within us a will toward health. It is up to each of us to proactively look at the totality of our life experiences to achieve emotional well-being. Learning to live with all of it is key to health. 

We cannot change the past, but we can integrate it to discover The Whole You.

Thank you for reading :)