The Anxiety Paradox

                             "What you resist not only persists but will grow in size."
                                                                                                 - Carl Jung

What is the anxiety paradox?

First off, let us define paradox. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, the word paradox means a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true. In the case of anxiety, a paradoxical response to managing symptoms of anxiety is aimed at doing the opposite of what seems like common sense. In this scenario, the actions taken by the person experiencing a flare-up of symptoms related to anxiety seems contrary to logic.

The use of paradox in managing symptoms of anxiety.

It is an approach to anxiety in which we face our anxious thoughts, feelings and physical sensations in the moment. I like to think of it as a mindfulness coping strategy that can help us manage our anxiety by facing, accepting, and allowing our feelings to pass. It's a way of helping ourselves through bouts of anxiety by changing how we relate to the experience of it in the moment.

In this method, you take steps to manage the discomfort of anxiety while at the same time permitting the symptoms to exist. In other words, as you take action to alleviate the symptoms of anxiety, you tell yourself that it's ok having all of your feelings. You remind yourself there are things you can try to do and proceed accordingly to bring some relief. You take a wait and see approach without getting in a struggle with yourself. If your initial attempts don't seem to work, you continue to notice what you're experiencing and address symptom management as best you can without judgment or attachment to a specific resolution. It's all about allowing yourself to go through the experience in the most gentle way possible without fighting anxiety. It helps to go at it with an open mind and a willingness to take care of yourself and your needs in the moment. Most importantly, is having an attitude in which you are not surprised, nor upset with yourself for being anxious. This practice is all about befriending your anxiety rather than rejecting it.

You take care of the anxiety by accepting and allowing.

"Why?" you might ask. The short answer: What we resist will persist.

It is understandable to want to rid ourselves of the anxiety we are experiencing. We tell ourselves, we don't want this to be happening, so we naturally put up a resistance against it. But here's the thing, by taking a position of resistance, we are engaging with the anxiety negatively. We are inadvertently keeping these intrusive thoughts and feelings close to us and therefore holding on to the anxiety when what we really want to do is let go of it.

The more we fight the anxiety or struggle with it, the more it strengthens and the longer it stays with us. And conversely, the more we are willing to accept our anxiety and allow it to exist, the sooner it quiets down and passes.

Instead of avoiding the experience of anxiety, or distracting yourself from it by self-medicating on substances or other emotional numbing behaviors, this practice encourages you to accept that anxiety is a part of your life without judgment.

An example of how this practice translate into action:

When feeling anxious, you might turn to a self-soothing routine, such as deep breathing. We know that this exercise can help us to relax and feel calm and so we begin. We are aware of our anxiety in the moment, and are telling ourselves, it's ok. We have been through this experience before and just as we can anticipate an onset of symptoms, we can expect for them to subside. Your perspective is one of being ok with whatever the outcome is and your responsibility is simply to continue to look after yourself  as best you can with symptoms and all. No self-imposed pressure to make the anxiety go away. You face the distress, acknowledge the symptoms, accept what is happening right now, and experience the feelings until they pass. As you can see, this approach calls for self-discipline. It is a process of movement that has been found to lessen rather than intensify anxiety symptoms.

Many have discovered in their management of anxiety that resistance creates persistence. The more we are willing to accept our anxiety and allow it to be, the quicker it will start to quiet down. The opposite is also true, that the more we are unwilling to accept anxiety, the more it will intensify.

The more we fight with our anxiety inside our head, the worse we will feel.

Here is a common scenario of the merry-go-round of anxiety when we are fighting with ourselves:

We feel anxious and tell ourselves we don't want to be. We think we shouldn't feel this way. We start to become upset with ourselves for being anxious, and then more anxious because we're upset. Do you see where this is going? This is how anxiety usually operates in our mind, unless we make the decision to step off the merry-go-round ride and try something different.

Another adaptive strategy we can use to handle anxiety when it comes our way is to actually do the opposite of what anxious feelings are telling us to do.

Let's use the example of the coronavirus outbreak and the anxiety we are living with as a result. We are experiencing fear, anxiety, worry, panic all at once. Although, these are normal reactions to have, the responsibility rests on each of us to decide best practices in tolerating uncertainty. Your mind might be telling you to keep up with the latest news coverage in order to get back a sense of control. But, keep in mind, as you take in all the new developments and sad narratives, your anxiety levels are intensifying and you feel worse, not better. Perhaps, the best thing to do right now is for you to stop listening to your anxious thoughts and feelings and do the opposite which in this case means watching less news to bring down your anxiety. What this means is choosing to take actions that may be counterintuitive to our nature and our usual way of doing things. This strategy requires that we think and not simply act on impulse. We may feel a certain way, but we don't have to act on our feelings. Sometimes, the best approach with our anxious thoughts and feelings is the hardest- to do something differently for a different outcome or to just do nothing and see what happens. We may be pleasantly surprised to see our distressful symptoms subside sooner than later.

It's so important to keep our anxiety in perspective just like anything else in life.

It is my perspective that we need to love, honor, and accept ourselves, anxiety and all.

Thank you for reading!