What We All Desire

             "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
                                                          Eden Ahbez

We all desire to love and be loved. We want to be truly known and deeply loved. We long for connection and this is what our hearts need more than anything.

There is truly nothing more comforting to us than the experience of  being seen, heard, accepted and loved by another human being. To love, to be loved, is a desire, but also a need that simply makes us human.

Love is the most natural need we have and yet so complicated. We learn about love from our own families and specifically how family members relate to each other. Think back to your childhood and ask yourself what some of those lessons were on how to love and be loved. For instance, was love openly expressed or repressed; available or conditional; something you had to work for and earn or something you could count on and feel secured about? Growing up, did you feel loved or question whether you were lovable? Did it feel safe to love or something you couldn't trust and therefore avoided? Did you learn to hide your true feelings as a form of self-protection? Perhaps rather than expecting to be loved, you learned to give up on getting your needs met. Depending on how we experienced our families, love can either feel easier to connect to or feel 'safer' to disconnect from.

The good news is that we can learn, unlearn and relearn just about anything we set our minds to. We can learn new things and let go of that which no longer serves us. We can unlearn unhelpful thinking and habitual patterns of behavior that hold us back and replace them with new thinking and healthier behavior that help us get the love we want. To unlearn something means we stop doing what doesn't work; we learn new habits; we let go of limiting beliefs and create new ones that actually help us achieve the love we desire and deserve to have.

We can learn to relate to love differently.

How about if instead of being afraid to love or afraid to admit to love, we remain open to it. This would mean giving ourselves permission to speak of love openly and directly. And why not? Don't we all know what we want, need and long for? Let's stop pretending that love isn't as important as it really is.

I understand that for many love is mixed with fear and trepidation and perhaps for good reasons. Love can open us up for pain, loss and grief. And while there is a great desire for love, there is a greater fear of it. You may be someone who enjoys closeness and intimacy to a limit. You protect your freedom and delay love and commitment. If this is working for you, then there's nothing to change. On the other hand, if you are creating a mental distance between you and love because of fear then perhaps change may be a good thing.

Believe in behavior change. It can't be stated enough, strongly enough, change is possible when we become determined. Determination can overcome fear of change.

The first step towards a love-focused reality is to let go of fear.

Consider facing your fears rather then resisting them, denying them, or being victimized by them.
Fears gain strength in darkness. Once we shine the light on them, they no longer have a tight grip on us. Fears need to be seen, heard and acknowledged before they can leave us. Our fears stay with us longer when we put up a fight rather than acknowledge them. And who are we fighting against? Ourselves. Rather than maintaining a state of internal conflict or being stuck with ambivalence, try accepting your feelings, including fear, and choose what to let go of. You can choose to release whatever it is you don't want. This is how we begin to heal.

Acceptance of our feelings is acceptance of ourselves and this is love.

Love heals...

When we think and feel love, we heal.
When love is the basis of our lives, we get to heal.
Love opens us up inside and gives us a chance to make things right within.
Love is the best gift we can give to ourselves and bring to others.
A loving relationship with self means there is trust, patience, compassion, and respect; this is all the assurance you need to know that no matter what happens, you will be all right.
Inner love is the most important love we can have. It begins with us. If we can care for and love ourselves, then we are freer to do the same with others.

To connect with love, consciously choose to be loving to yourself and others.

Thank you for reading!