Facing Reality

Is hard to do.- But definitely worth doing.

What is reality?

The truth of the present is our reality.

We all know what it is like to want to close our eyes to reality. Seeing what is and accepting things as they are and not as we wish them to be, can be a really hard thing for us to do. In fact, it can be excruciatingly painful, but facing truth and reality is necessary in order to see clearly what is going on in our lives and why. If you think about it, facing reality is like a self-protective measure that actually helps us to be prepared for what we must deal with in life. There is a strong correlation in my mind between facing our reality and taking good care of ourselves. Choosing reality to support us instead of a make-believe world helps us to stay present in everyday life. Whereas most of us prefer to live either in the past or the future, the present is all we have. It is only in the present that we can make real progress in our lives. Facing reality keeps us honest about what's really going on inside and around us. We are more in touch with our surroundings and ourselves; more connected with our true self. Rather than run away from our problems, we are forced to look at our responsibility and take ownership of the situation. This is where learning and growth comes in. You grow and so does your life.

Facing reality sometimes means moving away from comfort, but the alternatives of excuses or denial keeps us stuck in unhappiness and actively engaged in our own victimization. When we turn to reality and use it as our guide for change something amazing happens- we gain wisdom and strength. Strength is a powerful inner resource that comes out when we are truly dealing with a challenging time. This strength appears in the form of clarity, choices, awareness, understanding, perseverance, perspective, and valor to name just a few. It is often the case that from a place of strength, we find the courage to change.

To make important changes in your life, you have to be willing to face reality. This is why it matters and why it is definitely worth doing.

Another very significant aspect of facing reality which should not be overlooked is how it relates to personal freedom. I'm sure we've all heard the phrase, "The truth will set you free." When we choose to see rather than avoid and ignore reality, we are set free, but to be effective, we must be willing to act on what we know as the truth. I understand this is easier said than done, but with effort, readiness, and courage, it can be done.

Clearly there are benefits to facing reality, and yet there are those who exert so much energy rejecting it by blocking it out. They are convinced they can't handle the truth. And so they defend themselves against it. Some common reactions to emotional pain might be to minimize, avoid it altogether, or distort the truth so as to make it less painful. These are all protective defenses that allow us to cope by not coping until we are ready and able to choose differently. We've all used these unconscious mechanisms and frankly, I am not suggesting there is anything inherently wrong or unhealthy about their use; however, just because we tell ourselves that something is not true does not make it go away. Whatever it is we are avoiding or negating will remain there until we face it. Then and only then, can we alter it, accept and adapt to it, or walk away from it. As a therapist, I encourage my clients to approach their reality with self-compassion; go at it slowly but steadily. Initially, what is needed are just the words; willingness to talk, listen and sit with their new insights and understanding. Sometimes all we can do is face our emotional pain as we can, step by step. Deeply felt pain must be respected and so perhaps taking an easy does it, but doing it mindset works best for some. Defense mechanisms are there to protect us from the initial blow, but do not offer a real sustainable solution. They can assist on a short-term basis just enough to give us time to gather our strength within and figure out what is our next move.

Here is something else to consider. Deep down, we know the answers to our problems. We already know the truth. We are just afraid of going through pain. We don't want to hurt. Here's what I say to that: You can stand up to what is true, for you have already lived it and survived it. What is there to be afraid of ? You have endured the suffering, and so what is the point of returning to it and staying there? It is time to move along to the present and live your life differently.

The sooner you accept reality, the sooner you move on with your life. When in doubt, remember you are mentally stronger than you think. I believe we all are. I also believe when the pain of escape becomes greater than the pain of reality, this is when we are more likely to change. You might say this is part of our human nature.

Since pain will come to us all, consider the following quotes to help you face things as they are.

Distraction is the only thing that consoles us for our miseries, and yet it is itself the greatest of our miseries. - Blaise Pascal

We are only as blind as we want to be. - Maya Angelou

New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings... - Lao Tzu

We suffer more often in imagination than in reality. - Seneca

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. - Unknown

You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. - Martin Luther King

Change Nothing and Nothing Changes. - Unknown

All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is. - Buddha

Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most. - Buddha

Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free... - The M.L.King Speech

Seeing is always an act of courage. - Marty Rubin

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. - Ayn Rand

Emotional sickness is avoiding reality at any cost. Emotional health is facing reality at any cost. - M. Scott Peck


Thank you for reading!