Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
by Portia Nelson
"There's a hole in My Sidewalk"
Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault...
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall... it's a habit... but,
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five
I walk down another street.
This widely recognized poem has become a staple in the recovery world and is often used in self-help and therapy groups. The 'hole in the sidewalk' is a metaphor of life, and the story it tells reveals a learning pattern most of us go through as we navigate change and growth.
A story we can relate to.
It is the shortest 'autobiography' I have ever read, and yet, one of the best ever. In this short story, we are given a lesson on change and how it is one of the toughest of life's challenges. We walk away with a deeper awareness of the significance of taking personal responsibility for our behaviors and how this becomes a catalyst for change and growth. The final lesson, however is one that helps us come to the realization that we have choices. No matter what the situation, circumstance, or issue, we have choices. We can change direction, make different choices, find a new path, and recover our personal power. To allow for change and growth is a choice that only we can make. Give yourself permission and see what happens!
From lost to found, and how we grow:
We must first acknowledge the fact that we are lost. There is a problem and we are hurting. Stop pretending, ignoring and claiming you don't see what is happening. Somewhere deep inside, you know.
Be willing to learn, and open to feel.
Accept responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions. We must first accept responsibility if we are to make a positive change. That is the natural order of growing and turning our lives around. Pay attention and observe yourself in action until it becomes a matter of habit. Get in the habit of minding your own business and less on figuring out others.
Understand that many of our problems are a direct result and consequence of our choices. We must be willing to make choices that support change, rather than more of the same old, familiar ones we know all too well.
Decide and commit to changing unhelpful patterns of behavior. Granted, habits are hard to break, but not impossible. We must engage in healthy self-reflection to see if our present behavior has become our way of reliving painful childhood experiences. If so, know that there is a another way to go about this - work through the emotional pain so that you can move and grow from it. Repeating behaviors that hold us back takes us to you know where, PAIN. This will continue to happen, until you realize that what your life needs is a fresh perspective. Be willing to let go of what hurts, consider taking another sidewalk, and move on to a new chapter in your life.
Own your mistakes and learn with them. In other words, mistakes are a given, so learn as you make them. Avoid passing judgment on yourself, this only serves to make you feel badly about yourself and vulnerable to self-sabotage any positive changes you have already made. Remember, mistakes do not invalidate your growth and efforts. We are creatures of habit and changing our unhelpful patterns is a process - a gradual one at that.
Face yourself to discover yourself. That is how we go from being lost to being found. When we stop running from our fears, and we stop chasing after pain, we get to see that we are the ones who need to change. Healing, recovery, personal growth... however one may choose to name it, includes change. At some point in this journey, we learn to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again by making different choices. We will then get to see where the sidewalk ends and decide to walk down another street.
As you get ready for change keep this in mind...
We are either moving towards health or away from it. Choose your direction.
Progress is always incremental.
Behavioral change occurs gradually over time with many zigzags along the way.
Focus on improvements instead of perfection.
Healthy ways of being stabilize with practice.
We are all flawed, and that's okay. Admitting to this brings freedom.
There is hope for the wounded self: we call it healing.
I invite you to read the poem again and this time, consider what chapter you are living, and what actions you would be willing to take to move on to the next.
May you see your way.
Thank you for reading!
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