Resilience In The Face Of Fragility

It is so important to understand that we are both resilient and fragile beings. It is not a matter of being one or the other, but more of seeing how we are both.

The story I am about to share with you is true and is about someone I love deeply, my mother. It is not based on scientific research but more of a personal nature. It is my hope that by sharing this story it will serve as a reminder that life is precious and when life hits hard, forcing us to see our fragility, let us not forget to see the resilience that is also a part of us.

The story:

A few weeks ago, my mother was taken to the ER for acute stomach pain. Earlier that day, my daughter and I had spent a nice afternoon with my mother and after a late lunch, we parted and everything seemed fine. At some point, during the middle of the night, I was awaken to a telephone call that my mom was in acute distress and needed to go to the hospital immediately. My family and I rushed to be with her as she was taken by EMT to the ER.

She was diagnosed with gallstone pancreatitis. Her condition worsened rapidly with a physical decline that was just unstoppable. The pain was unbearable and we could see just how fragile her physical state was in just a matter of a few hours.

The solution was to remove the gallbladder which I understand is a common and non-life threatening procedure so long as the patient is medically stable. Herein lies the problem, my mother was physically declining at a rapid rate and was not a candidate for surgery. She was in excruciating pain due to inflammation of her pancreas and a gallstone lodged in her bile duct. It was all happening so quickly and within 24 hours of being admitted in the hospital, my mother was fighting for her life. Her condition worsened due to serious cardio, pulmonary and gastrointestinal complications. The white blood cell count was very high as her body was trying to fight an infection of which doctors could not determine its' origin. She developed fluids in her lungs and heart and her oxygen saturation was very low. She was hospitalized for three weeks and the time she spent in ICU was by far the scariest of all for us. It was in the intensive surgical unit that my mother's mental health also began to decline as she was showing signs of ICU psychosis, a phenomenon, called sundowning, in which the patient becomes delusional. In most instances this is a temporary state of mind with symptoms disappearing once the patient leaves the ICU. I am relieved to say that such was the case for my mother.

On the third week of her hospitalization, my mother was medically cleared to undergo surgery. The procedure went well and she was discharged the day after. My mother had pulled through.

Resilience and Fragility

When someone you love is hurting emotionally and/or physically ill, we can see and feel their sense of vulnerability. As they show their fragility, we must remember that we too may be experiencing a fragile state of mind consumed with fear of what is and what could be. This is normal and needs to be validated.

To acknowledge our fragility gives us the opportunity to see our resilience. I like to think of it as in the biblical verse, "for when I am weak, then I am strong." Let me explain. My mother was quite fragile, and yet in the midst of her weakness and vulnerability, she expressed a will towards health. She wanted to live, but needed help from others to give her the strength to persevere. The machines and medical treatment were keeping her alive, but her spirit was weak and becoming less visible to those who know and love her. She needed her resilience just as much as her medication.

It was her awareness of her own fragility that made it possible for her to become completely open and receptive to the loving support of others and this I am sure awakened her natural resilience to live through her present experience. She was made strong by fully understanding her current state of being, accepting the help as well as the love and believing in the power of prayers in the healing process. She was encouraged to think thankful thoughts and to use positive thinking as a way to bring herself back to life. I believe all this played a part in her recovery while still at the hospital.

This much I know is true:

Resilience comes to life when we allow ourselves to receive the love, care and support that we need. Admitting that we can't do it ourselves and accepting that we need help is the first step towards change and wellness. I believe this is what enables us to connect with our inner resources of strength to move through life when it becomes hard, painful and unpredictable.

I got through this experience by sharing the emotional load with my loving family and dear friends. The show of support carried me every single day. Showing up for work gave me a sense of purpose and seeing my clients helped me to stay grounded in my life in the midst of uncertainty.
Heartfelt hugs and many thank yous to all of you.

All people are both resilient and fragile. Do not make the mistake of believing you are one or the other.

Thanks for reading!










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