Resilience In The Face Of Fragility

It is so important to understand that we are both resilient and fragile beings. It is not a matter of being one or the other, but more of seeing how we are both.

The story I am about to share with you is true and is about someone I love deeply, my mother. It is not based on scientific research but more of a personal nature. It is my hope that by sharing this story it will serve as a reminder that life is precious and when life hits hard, forcing us to see our fragility, let us not forget to see the resilience that is also a part of us.

The story:

A few weeks ago, my mother was taken to the ER for acute stomach pain. Earlier that day, my daughter and I had spent a nice afternoon with my mother and after a late lunch, we parted and everything seemed fine. At some point, during the middle of the night, I was awaken to a telephone call that my mom was in acute distress and needed to go to the hospital immediately. My family and I rushed to be with her as she was taken by EMT to the ER.

She was diagnosed with gallstone pancreatitis. Her condition worsened rapidly with a physical decline that was just unstoppable. The pain was unbearable and we could see just how fragile her physical state was in just a matter of a few hours.

The solution was to remove the gallbladder which I understand is a common and non-life threatening procedure so long as the patient is medically stable. Herein lies the problem, my mother was physically declining at a rapid rate and was not a candidate for surgery. She was in excruciating pain due to inflammation of her pancreas and a gallstone lodged in her bile duct. It was all happening so quickly and within 24 hours of being admitted in the hospital, my mother was fighting for her life. Her condition worsened due to serious cardio, pulmonary and gastrointestinal complications. The white blood cell count was very high as her body was trying to fight an infection of which doctors could not determine its' origin. She developed fluids in her lungs and heart and her oxygen saturation was very low. She was hospitalized for three weeks and the time she spent in ICU was by far the scariest of all for us. It was in the intensive surgical unit that my mother's mental health also began to decline as she was showing signs of ICU psychosis, a phenomenon, called sundowning, in which the patient becomes delusional. In most instances this is a temporary state of mind with symptoms disappearing once the patient leaves the ICU. I am relieved to say that such was the case for my mother.

On the third week of her hospitalization, my mother was medically cleared to undergo surgery. The procedure went well and she was discharged the day after. My mother had pulled through.

Resilience and Fragility

When someone you love is hurting emotionally and/or physically ill, we can see and feel their sense of vulnerability. As they show their fragility, we must remember that we too may be experiencing a fragile state of mind consumed with fear of what is and what could be. This is normal and needs to be validated.

To acknowledge our fragility gives us the opportunity to see our resilience. I like to think of it as in the biblical verse, "for when I am weak, then I am strong." Let me explain. My mother was quite fragile, and yet in the midst of her weakness and vulnerability, she expressed a will towards health. She wanted to live, but needed help from others to give her the strength to persevere. The machines and medical treatment were keeping her alive, but her spirit was weak and becoming less visible to those who know and love her. She needed her resilience just as much as her medication.

It was her awareness of her own fragility that made it possible for her to become completely open and receptive to the loving support of others and this I am sure awakened her natural resilience to live through her present experience. She was made strong by fully understanding her current state of being, accepting the help as well as the love and believing in the power of prayers in the healing process. She was encouraged to think thankful thoughts and to use positive thinking as a way to bring herself back to life. I believe all this played a part in her recovery while still at the hospital.

This much I know is true:

Resilience comes to life when we allow ourselves to receive the love, care and support that we need. Admitting that we can't do it ourselves and accepting that we need help is the first step towards change and wellness. I believe this is what enables us to connect with our inner resources of strength to move through life when it becomes hard, painful and unpredictable.

I got through this experience by sharing the emotional load with my loving family and dear friends. The show of support carried me every single day. Showing up for work gave me a sense of purpose and seeing my clients helped me to stay grounded in my life in the midst of uncertainty.
Heartfelt hugs and many thank yous to all of you.

All people are both resilient and fragile. Do not make the mistake of believing you are one or the other.

Thanks for reading!










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Winnie the Pooh Wisdom for a Happier Life

Simple wisdom from Winnie and friends on what makes for a happier life:

1- Believe in yourself.
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, stronger than you know, and smarter than you think."

2- Keep your loved ones close to your heart.
"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."

3- Love fearlessly.
"If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus 1 day so I would never have to live a day without you."

4- Step out of your comfort zone to get what you want in life.
"You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."

5- Be real, be yourself.
"It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "what about lunch?"

6- Don't rush through life.
"Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day."

7- Be patient; Don't personalize everything.
"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear."

8- Live in the present moment.
"What day is it? It's today, squeaked Piglet. My favorite day, said Pooh."

9- Cherish your friendships.
"I don't feel very much like Pooh today," said Pooh.
"There there," said Piglet. "I'll bring you tea and honey until you do."

10- Be grateful.
"Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude."

11- Keep an open mind and go with the flow.
"Hello, rabbit, 'he said, 'is that you?'
'Let's pretend it isn't, 'said Rabbit,' and see what happens."

12- Sometimes it's good to just do nothing.
"Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

13- Show kindness to others.
"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo."

14- Be aware.
"Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the forest that was left out by mistake."

15- Feel your feelings.
Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don't spell it. you feel it.

16- Appreciate and love yourself with imperfections and all.
"The things that make me different are the things that make me ME."

17- Always look for the silver lining.
"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is."
"And freezing."
"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little "we haven't had an earthquake lately."

18- Don't sweat the small stuff.
"tut-tut, it looks like rain."

Happy Going Forward!