Are You The One?: Love Actions Say It All!

Hello,


                              
                                    Loved/Loving
                                    1: to hold dear: Cherish
                                    2 a: to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for
                                       b(1): caress (2): to fondle amorously (3): to copulate with
                                    3: to like or desire actively: take pleasure in
                                    4: to thrive in
                                          
                                                                            - Merriam-Webster Dictionary


It is clear to see the meaning of love is in the act of loving. It is more than a feeling and so much more than words. Simply stated, it is behavior based on how a person acts and how they treat you.

We are all looking for love and the desire to be in love is one shared by many. The question is, are we going in the right direction? Are we moving towards it or away from the love that we seek? How many of us fully understand that real love requires of us the courage to be vulnerable to another? It is quite an undertaking to start loving somebody. The reality is that love is a word most of us think we know completely, but do we really?

What has your experience been in creating a strong, intimate relationship with someone? How does it compare to the definition of being loved and loving? If you have struggled to find an ideal partner, you're not alone. The truth is, love can be confusing and super challenging. Nevertheless, being part of a couple, in a loving committed relationship is something many of us long for and strive to attain, and for good reason: love that is loving is truly one of the greatest treasures of all. Most definitely, the power of love is best demonstrated by our actions. Words by themselves are not enough. We must show the love.

According to Gordon Livingston, if the words, "I love you," are not supported by consistently loving behaviors then they are just hallow words unlikely to be fulfilled and essentially untrue. Yet it is our tendency, according to Livingston to pay more attention to the words and not enough to the actions that define who we are. When in doubt, he recommends we focus on the only communication that can be trusted: behavior. Actions say it all!

With this mind, it is crucial to take very seriously the discrepancies between what a partner says and what they actually do before you let yourself fall head over heels in love. This point can't be emphasized enough. There is no way we can build a happy life based on false hopes and faulty beliefs that simply do not match the reality that is. Facing the situation rather than ignoring it can spare you much heartache and disappointment later on.

One other key point to bear in mind relates to the giving and receiving of love. It is important to realize, it is not enough to love others; equally important is having the expectation that those we share our lives with will show us love as well. While it is commonly known that we accept the love we think we deserve, I also believe that in love we get what we truly expect. Consider your expectations carefully; aim high and don't shortchange yourself just to be in a relationship. Of course, it goes without saying, be sure that what you expect to receive is that which you are prepared to give.

If you are presently in a relationship, do you know who your partner is and who and what they care about? How does this partner show you that you matter to them? It is very important that you know who it is you're choosing to be with. On the other hand, if you are looking to find that special someone, do you know what you are looking for? How will you know they are the one? What if, you are longing to be in love but instead keep repeating the pattern of dead-end relationships? Ask yourself what is holding you back from love.

Whatever the case may be, don't let fear and anxiety keep you from seeking and finding the love you want. Very often we are afraid of repeating our parents' "failed" relationship or of not finding one that is just as "perfect." You don't need to use a template from the past to create a loving partnership. You are in charge of your own life and as such you get to decide what to embrace. The choice is yours to make. Whatever your emotional blocks, work on it to release them and create your desired path.

In conclusion, as you ask yourself, "Is this person the one?" I invite you to consider the following:

A partner worthy of your time, trust and love is one...
-who is a friend.
-who knows you inside out and still loves you.
-who sees your beauty.
-who shares hopes and dreams for the future.
-that encourages you and supports you.
-that does not lie to you.
-who is kind.
-who is there in times of trouble and difficulty.
-who keeps their word and is responsible.
-who believes in you.
-who does not use your insecurities against you.
-who is loyal and does not betray your trust by being inappropriate with others.
-who is generally happy with self and life.
-who forgives and is quick to apologize.
-who is approachable and easy to talk to.
-who communicates to solve problems.
-who has deep respect for you.
-who is trustworthy, honest and faithful.
-who shows compassion and empathy.
-who enjoys closeness in being sexual.
-who is able to give and accept affection.
-who is able to laugh at self and personal foibles.
-who is quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.
-who is reliable and you can depend on.
-who is committed to personal growth and their emotional health.
-who is able to express feelings.
-who shows the ability to take care of themselves.
-who lives with integrity and self-discipline.
-who is deeply committed to you.
-who loves with actions.

Love as applied to a life partner encompasses this and so much more. If you have these character traits and qualities in your relationship with your partner, enjoy the gift of love. If you are still looking, be patient and remember, the best chance of finding the qualities that we want in a partner, is to have them in ourselves. Enduring intimacy is a goal worth reaching for, so don't give up.

Expect and you will see the one that is there for you!

Enjoy :)


Reference:

Livingston, G. (2004). Too soon old, too late smart: Thirty true things you need to know now. New York: Marlowe & Co. , p.60