Friend yourSelf

Hello,


                           
                                             " I, _____, take you, _____, to be
                                               my (best friend). I promise to be
                                               true to you in good times and in
                                               bad, in sickness and in health.
                                               I will love you and honor you
                                               all the days of my life."

                                                                    - Rite of Marriage


Consider taking the vow to love and honor your partner for life...you, yourself. Go ahead, take the pledge. There is no better time than right now. After all, the longest relationship you will ever have in your lifetime will be with yourself. And guess what? You get to decide the choices that you make every step of the way. For instance, when the going gets tough, will you pick yourself up or keep yourself down? Are you for or against yourself? How we treat ourselves is up to us. Yes, we are in charge and therefore responsible for our own treatment of ourselves. The fact of the matter is the only person you truly have control over is yourself.

All too often our focus is on "other" and not enough on ourself. We need to get our priorities in order by understanding a fundamental truth: To care for yourself is to take care of yourself. By doing this well, we can then do the same for others. This is what being a Friend to Self is all about. Always remember this cardinal rule: Never, ever, is it acceptable to neglect yourself for the sake of others. This is true even under extreme circumstances. For example, in an airplane they instruct passengers to put on their oxygen mask first before assisting anyone else. In other words, make sure you do what you need to do for yourself so that you can best help others in need. Make this your basic protocol in life! To do otherwise is futile.

The bottom line: If we are to be a good friend to others, we must learn to be a best friend to ourselves first. This point can't be emphasized enough: Friend yourSelf! This is not just another self-help tool or psychobabble; it is literally a life skill that can turn your life around by making a profound change in your relationship with yourself. The fact is self-friending is self-love and there is nothing more powerful than loving yourself. It is from a place of self-love that the standard is set for all other relationships. So there it is, strengthening your self-relationship can change your world. But here's the thing, friending yourself isn't something that just happens. It is something we must actively engage in and be willing to do for our sake and well-being. To learn this skill you must first make the decision to want to be a friend to yourself. Furthermore, you must be willing to try out new behaviors that promote growth and positive change. Once you commit, you must continue to act as a good friend to yourself even at times when you may not want to. Is this beginning to sound like a marriage? Well, you might say it is, sort of a marriage to self. Truth be told, in order to have a loving, supportive, and long-term relationship with someone else, you will need to love and friend yourSelf first.

The greatest thing about friendship with oneself is that you can handle what happens in your life because you "got your back" whatever your circumstances may be. You get to be the one person you can count on to stay with you no matter what. It's true, life is easier when you befriend yourself. It is important to know that being on good terms with yourself is an inside job. That is, you must focus on doing the things that make you feel good about yourself instead of the things that make you feel bad. Make sure to pay attention to the relationship between what you do and how you feel. To change, you must look within to understand what is going on and acknowledge what you're doing wrong.  You must take full responsibility for your life and practice the honor code to stay honest with yourself about yourself. Strive to look for the best in you and in time you will become the person that is in you to become. Remember, change is up to you!

Loving ways to treat ourselves:

-Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
-Speak to yourself in ways that show respect, compassion and kindness.
-Choose to do the things that make you FEEL GOOD about yourself and STOP doing the things that make you feel bad.
-Appreciate what you do in all that you do.
-Surround yourself with loving and supportive people who bring out the best in you.
-Serve as a good companion to yourself. There is a sense of relaxation that comes from hanging out with ourselves. Try it!
-Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Learn from them and move on.
-Focus on your strengths and build your life from them. We grow from a place of self-love, not self-hatred.
-Listen to yourself and follow your gut feeling. Your inner friend knows what's best.
-Focus on what you have and not what you lack. Gratitude is the surest way to happiness and self-love.
-Stop comparing yourself to others; it is never okay to devalue who we are.
-Have all your feelings, but don't hold on to the unpleasant ones.
-Stop putting yourself down. Don't tear yourself up when you do something that makes you feel bad inside. Pause. Rethink. Taking steps to make yourself feel better is the best approach.
-Feel good about your accomplishments; when you do something you are proud of, make sure to take it in and enjoy.
-Give yourself recognition; what you say to yourself counts more than what others may say about you.
-Stay clear of self-sabotage; don't undermine your positive efforts and good results.
-Show self-regard, not self-reproach.
-Meet your own expectations. Do what needs to be done; don't procrastinate on what's important to you. Enjoy the feeling you get from getting the job done.
-Carry out your intentions; don't slack off on things that truly matter. Enjoy the experience of being in charge of yourself.
-Dwell on your victories, not your defeats.
-Believe in yourself; trust there will be better days; tell yourself, you can do it!
-Have hope that change is possible, real and doable.
-Be willing to DO for yourself.
-Let yourself cry; tears bring about self-healing and self-love.
-Pay attention to self in ALL the right ways.
-Smile more.
-Feed your hungry heart with LOVE. No other substitute will do.

Sadly, for many people being a friend to themselves presents a real challenge. If this is the case for you, it may help you to see it as your life purpose to learn how to love you, yourself, with an open heart. Decide how you're going to live. Now.

Concluding thoughts:

To treat ourselves in the most thoughtful, nurturing, caring way when we are in pain just as we would treat another person who is hurting is our greatest gift to ourselves.
Always remember, you have a friend for life. Take care of your precious self. There is only one you.
It is my wish that you discover the magnificence of self and realize how truly special you are.

                                                       "Me myself and I
                                                  That's all I got in the end
                                                   That's what I found out
                                                  And it ain't no need to cry
                                              I took a vow that from now on
                                           I'm gonna be my own best friend"

                                                             - Beyoncé Knowles Lyrics - ME, Myself & I


Enjoy!
                                           




                                                       

When a mistake is NOT a mistake

Hello,

                                 " You can never make the same mistake twice
                                 because the second time you make it, it's not a
                                 mistake, it's a choice."
                                                                     ~ Steven Denn

To err is human...make no mistake about it! It happens to the best of us. We've all done it and will continue to do so...again and again. Let's face it, making mistakes is a fact of life and something we must all deal with. Don't be discouraged because of mistakes. See it as a learning process. Acknowledging mistakes and understanding them can bring about new insight and beneficial change while also teaching us lessons of wisdom. So you see, mistakes are not a bad thing. They are meant for learning and developing a good sense of judgment. Unfortunately, for many people, it takes repeating the same error of judgment over and over again to learn the lesson. Herein lies the distinction between a mistake and a bad decision. A mistake repeated is no longer a mistake, but a decision.

The decisions we make, whether good or bad, big or small affect our lives. Repeating the same mistakes over and over leaves us feeling inadequate, emotionally exhausted, and vulnerable. We start to view ourselves negatively, questioning our capacity for good judgment, and losing sight of our natural gift within: our common sense. The best recourse is to be willing to LEARN. It is critical to remember that we are in charge of our own learning and responses. Once you accept the fact that the life you lead is a direct result and consequence of the decisions you make day in and day out, you will be in a better place to turn your life around. You can learn from mistakes or repeat them...the choice is yours to make! 

A common mistake we ALL make from time to time is confusing a mistake with a bad decision. Let me emphasize that none of us are without risk of making bad decisions. We've been there, done that and more than likely will make bad decisions again over the course of our lifetime. As the saying goes, "strive for progress, not perfection."

A mistake and a bad decision are not one in the same. Although both are considered an error of judgment there is a vast difference; understanding what that difference is can lead to personal growth and greater commitment to self.

A mistake is defined as a misunderstanding; an action or judgment that is misguided; to understand something or someone incorrectly; something done without intent; doing something without any knowledge of possible negative consequences; oversight; an error in action or judgment caused by insufficient knowledge; to understand wrongly. In other words, if you do something by mistake, you do it accidentally.

A bad decision is defined as a poor choice; you override your senses and choose an option that on some level you know you should not.* You know something is not in your best interest and you do it anyway. It is done intentionally; doing the same thing with the same negative outcomes is a bad decision. This is similar to "insanity" as defined in the 12 step programs of recovery such as Alcoholics Anonymous: doing the same thing in the same way and expecting different results.

Here are a few examples:

Mistake = Getting into a relationship with someone who is not right for you.
Bad Decision = Deciding to marry this person regardless

Mistake = Revealing too much of yourself on a first date
Bad Decision = Deciding it's okay to take this person that you just met home with you

Mistake = To find yourself with someone who doesn't show you love
Bad Decision = To stay with this person and sacrifice your innermost needs

Mistake = You estimate incorrectly the travel time to your destination
Bad Decision = You speed just to make good time

Keep in mind: mistakes are unavoidable but bad decisions are within your control!

Actions you can take to make better decisions:

-Think before you act. Weigh in the pros and cons of your decision and consider the consequences.
-When in doubt, look within. Listen to your inner voice - Your natural ability for guidance. This internal guide knows what is best for us. You can call this voice, intuition, conscience, divine spirit, inner resource and so on.  It communicates mostly through feelings and may come in the form of a hunch, a gut feeling, strong sense and/or physical sensation. Listen to your body - it never lies. Learn to pay attention, listen, trust, and act on it. 
-Make decisions that support what is most important to you. In other words, what matters to you; decisions that reinforce your values. Don't half commit yourself. Be consistent about what you say and what you do. Talk the talk and walk the talk. Look at where you are and where you want to be and make decisions accordingly.
-In making decisions take into account your innermost wants and needs. Consider what is best for you - after all, if you don't who will?
-Take responsibility for your life and know that it is totally up to you to make better choices.
-Make decisions based on what is - what you are seeing and not what you hope to get. Deep down inside you know what is right for you and what is not. You know the truth and have the answer. Know this: when you can trust yourself to do the right thing you don't have to worry about whether or not you can trust others.
-If what you are doing isn't getting you what you want, change your behavior. Don't forget the old saying: actions speak louder than words. Change your thinking to change your direction.
-Be willing to learn, open to feel, and commit to change.

Concluding quotes:

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
                                                                      ~ Albert Einstein
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
                                                                      ~ Maya Angelou
"Trust yourself, you know more than you think you do."
                                                                      ~ Benjamin Spock
"The choices we make dictate the lives we lead. To thine ownself be true."
                                                                      ~ William Shakespeare, 'Hamlet'.

Your Decisions...Your life!

Enjoy :)

*www.decision-making-confidence.com/effects-of-bad-decisions