- Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides To Die"As she had been walking from the ward to that room, she felt such pure hatred that now she had no more rancor left in her heart. She had finally allowed her negative feelings to surface, feelings that had been repressed for years in her soul. She had actually FELT them, and they were no longer necessary, they could leave."
The above excerpt speaks to the nature and ways of our feelings. They demand expression and will persist until given the acknowledgment that is due to them. The act of pushing away unpleasant feelings does absolutely nothing to rid oneself of them. Feelings need to be gone through before they can leave us. It's the HEALing Way!
It's an undeniable truth: Feeling your feelings and meeting pain is how you can heal. Anything short of this serves to prolong both your suffering and the healing process. When I think about what is necessary in order for us to work through emotional pain, the words by Robert Frost, "The best way out is always through," resonates with me as the key to ALL healing. The reality is, we hurt more, not less when we deny or run away from our feelings. When we stop avoiding our feelings and put more effort in experiencing them, they naturally subside. There is power knowing we can face pain, live through our feelings and let them go. This is essentially the way of HEALing. The greatest thing about the HEALing method is that all that is needed is your willingness to let yourself fully experience your feelings and see them through. Talking things through with someone is an option but not a requirement. HEALing simply stated is a mindful practice in letting go to help us better manage our feelings. It can be effectively integrated with your other self-healing tools as a daily practice for living healthy. You will find HEALing to be a life lesson in letting go that ultimately will have you feeling peaceful.
To better understand the HEAL process, it is imperative that we begin by looking at the relationship between our thoughts and how we feel. Here's what you need to know: our feelings express our thoughts. The next time you are feeling angry or sad, notice your thinking and you will see a match. For sure. As we think it, we feel it, and we live it. Always! Our thoughts create our feelings. Every feeling we experience comes from the thinking we are experiencing. Once the feeling is awakened, it exists whether we want it or not. The feelings have to run their course and move through us in order to leave. Another important aspect of the thought-feeling connection is: our feelings are not the result of events, situations or the actions of others. How we see a situation and what we think about it will determine how we feel about it. Remember, thoughts determine feelings. I hope by now it is clear that at the root of all emotional pain/unpleasant feelings are...your thoughts. But here's the thing, at any time we can change our thinking and perception. We choose what we think about. Yes, we can transform a painful thought to a healing thought. The process of change is never easy and no one is a natural at it. It takes work, effort and practice. Letting ourselves have our thoughts and feelings whatever they may be, without holding on to any one thought or feeling for too long allows us to move through them. In fact, being with some emotional discomfort gives us time to rethink the experience, interaction or event and end up with a different feeling about it. Remember, a change of thought will result in a change of heart. And now, let us get on with the process of HEALing!
Give yourself permission to HEAL:
Have all of your feelings
Embrace them with acceptance
Allow your feelings to be
Let them go
Feelings need to be acknowledged for us to heal. All of our feelings are normal and natural. They are not right or wrong, nor good or bad. Feelings just are. They come and go and no feeling lasts forever. You will not like all of your feelings or even want them. Feel them anyway knowing they will pass. We don't always understand our feelings when we have them. For example, someone might say, "I don't know why I'm crying," or "Why do I feel this way?" We can say with certainty, there is a thought process or stream of thoughts setting in motion the feelings that now are. Feelings come from somewhere and do not exist on their own. To know and have all of your feelings, look at the HEAD-N-HEART connection and self-awareness will follow. Remember this: Feelings reveal what we are thinking and our thinking reveals what we are feeling. Follow this rule and you will be in the know of what is going on within you. The very process of naming, owning and feeling our feelings is the beginning of our healing and overall sense of wellness. It is important to know that the feelings that bind us are the ones that are not expressed. Facing them lessens our need to act them out. Understand we can't selectively run from our feelings and also stay open to them. We must choose to have our feelings or not. Be aware that when we close off to the feelings we identify as wrong, bad or painful, we also close off to the feelings we identify as good and positive. Defending ourselves from our feelings as oppose to facing them only serves to keep us suffering. The end result could very well be an imprisoned self. I believe the best place to be with our feelings is when it no longer matters what they are or how long they stay because we know we will live regardless. Go ahead with ALL of your feelings!
Embracing our feelings means opening up and making room for all feelings-not just the ones we label as "good." It is accepting the reality of how you feel without offering resistance, judgment, or struggle. We can't control our feelings, but we can control how we express them. In other words, what we do with them is up to us. I often hear people say, "We are putting our best effort to do the right thing, live the right way, think the right way, feel the right way and continue with right action, and still we struggle with our feelings." Consider the possibility that perhaps these same people are working themselves too hard to feel good and even harder to avoid, block or reject their troublesome feelings. They are essentially putting a lot of undue pressure on themselves to control what they feel, rather than just accept, and this might very well be what is keeping them stuck. Once we accept what we are feeling, we are ready to make our peace with it. In doing so, the resistance to the feeling itself cease to be and it is then the feeling moves through because we have let go. You should know that the more we resist our feelings, the more they will persist. On the contrary, accepting our feelings allows them to subside. This is why after a good long cry we often feel better and express a sense of relief and calm afterwards. Giving ourselves permission to cry is not only cathartic, but also serves to quiet down the feelings. We are then able to let ourselves stop when we are ready. The act of acceptance and allowing brings forth a change in our thinking and our emotions. We are left with no longer either having the feeling or the need to express it in the same way with the same level of intensity. Acceptance makes possible for feelings to change and to leave. It's true! Take notice the next time you let yourself feel what you are experiencing and see what happens. Once we accept and allow we can move past it. In embracing your feelings remind yourself to "Just Be" and "Keep Going."
Life has many painful moments. We can't run away from our feelings and be well. We know this and yet all too often we try to avoid, run away, or want our painful feelings to pass as quickly as possible. The irony is that in allowing and giving our feelings the space to exist, we can free ourselves of them faster. In fact, allowing is the surest way to free our feelings. To allow all feelings the right to exist is to understand the paradox of life. Without grief, we would not know love; without sadness, we would not know happiness. So there you go, all feelings matter and all have meaning even those that hurt. It is best to allow your feelings to be what they are when they make themselves known. Let them in and trust that they will leave. We don't have to act on our feelings unless we choose to and they can't hurt us without our consent. Don't rush through your feelings or they will return with greater force. But don't hold on to them longer than is needed or you will get stuck and unable to let go. Although, all feelings deserve their time, let's not forget, the key to this practice is to FEEL in order to LET GO.
Many of us resist this final release. At the heart of the matter is our fear of change. We are afraid to part from what we know and enter unchartered waters. I say, feel the fear and do it anyway! With some of us, our ambivalence is what holds us back from letting go. We feel two ways about the same thing. The pain we want to let go of is also what we feel we need to hold on to. It may help to tell yourself that by letting go you will gain peace of mind and well-being. To experience the full benefits of HEALing you must be willing to let go of the pain. Let yourself go through it! For many others, holding on to their pain provides a sense of identity. To part with the pain would mean to lose their sense of who they are. You must remind yourself that your pain is not the only story you have about who you are. There is so much more to you. One last thing, if you are repeating painful patterns and reliving certain feelings that you are not able to let go of, chances are there is a need within to go through this. Once you understand what is driving your pain and are willing to commit to change, letting go will become an easier choice for you to make. Ultimately it comes down to deciding how we want to live. The choice is ours to make. When we truly believe we deserve to heal from our emotional wounds, letting go will become THE WAY for us.
The best thing about letting go is that it helps us to leave a painful place within and brings us to a place of inner peace. Once we give our feelings an outlet they no longer have a hold on us nor we on them. Whether the feelings stay or go is all the same. This is when peace sets in and fear leaves. Many of the feelings we struggle with or try to control are familiar to us and we know what they're about. All that is needed is continuous effort and willingness to let them go.
Natural Ways To Let Go and Feel Better
1. Baths/Showers. Relaxes and relieves stored tension. "I do some of my best thinking in the shower."
2. Cry it out. Have yourself a good cry and be on your way. Releases pain and tension buildup.
3. Conscious breathing. Reduces anxiety and helps clear distressing feelings. For more information go to www.onepowerfulword.com "18 Benefits of Deep Breathing and How to Breathe Deeply?" Weblog post.
4. Dance. Helps you convey feelings that are difficult to put into words. Is therapeutic. Beautifully illustrated in the movie "Silver Linings Playbook."
5. Exercise daily. Move the body to move the pain. Reduces stress, releases endorphins- the body's natural feel good chemicals.
6. Focus on love. Think it. Feel it. Give it. Be it. Be in it. Love reminds us of what really matters.
7. Foods and scents that improve mood. What you eat and smell can help you de-stress. Inhaling lavender has been found to lower anxiety levels. For more information go to www.eatingwell.com "7 Stress Busters: Soothing Foods and Calming Scents" www.health.com "Foods To Boost Your Mood" Weblog post.
8. Gratitude list. Helps you focus on the good things in your life. Research shows grateful people are happier.
9. Healing through the 5 senses. Our bodies have a natural trusted pharmacy to help us with release of feelings and emotional pain. For more information go to www.chopra.com The Chopra center.
10. Inspiring books. Brings up memories; Helps us connect with our innermost thoughts and feelings.
11. Journaling. Gives you a safe way to tell your story. Helps you see where you started, where you are, and where you are going.
12. Laughter. Good for the Head-N-Heart. Research shows laughter is the best defense against the effects of stress.
13. Massage. Releases the tension and stress stored in our bodies.
14. Music. Enables us to feel deep emotions that we would not be able to release otherwise. Feel your feelings through music.
15. Painting. Visual way of looking at your feelings. Gives your emotions an outlet.
16. Prayer. If it is a part of your life it serves to strengthen spirituality. Connects you with a force greater than your pain and struggles. Gives you hope.
17. Positive Quotes/Affirmations. Helps reframe your thinking. Puts things in perspective. Here's my favorite quote, " Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss
18. Refocus. Instead of focusing on your faults, focus on what you need right now to feel better.
19. Reframe. See the positive in a negative situation.
20. Random Acts of Kindness. We feel good when we do something nice for someone.
21. Simple meditation/Gentle yoga. To bring you into the present moment. For more information go to www.mhww.org "Strategies for Good Mental Health Wellness."
22. Talking. Turn to your support system for honest and heart-to-heart thoughtful conversations. Being listened to is therapeutic and healing.
23. Take time for yourself. Think and feel. Do nothing else but be with yourself each day for 10 minutes or so.
24. Use of recovery slogans. I'm a big fan of recovery tools because they work. Slogans reframe life problems by turning them into situations to make them more manageable. Here's my favorite one, "Take one day at a time."
25. Walk. To Think things through or to simply take the focus off you and place it on the beauty of life.
Enjoy!
No comments:
Post a Comment