A Guarantee of Outcome

          
Whether it is in love, work, or life in general, we may desire change, but because we don't know how it will turn out, we choose to not take action.

The fear of an uncertain outcome is very common and is often at the root of what holds us back from doing the things we say we want to do.

A guarantee of outcome is what many of us think we need before we can move towards our heart's desires. While there are many different ways this belief creates our reality, I will share just a few examples where I see its' influence in our lives: when it comes to committing to love, connecting with others, ending relationships and starting new ones, pursuing our dreams, changing jobs, or just trying something new. 

As a therapist, I see this fear replaying over and over again with so many people. They want the guarantee...the sure thing, a certain outcome, an assurance before making a move. Basically, they hold out for a guarantee that does not exist. And by doing so, miss out on creating the life they really want.

Having such an outlook on life can give you a sense that life is passing you by. 

But what if you're the one who has been passing up on life's possibilities by continually seeing them as not good enough?

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Fear. 

We are afraid of going through pain, disappointment, and disillusionment. We are afraid that things may go horribly wrong, and then what? So, we choose not to go with the possibilities. Instead, we wait for the guarantee. We choose safe and familiar over change and uncertainty.

Fear is the driving force behind the need for a guaranteed outcome, and it manifests in our lives in the form of self-protection. The problem here, is in becoming too guarded and thereby limiting our choices.

The more we self-protect from life's uncertainties, the less inclined we are to try something that involves taking risks. 

What is the alternative?

A different perspective about Yourself.

Life is uncertain. Unpredictable. Always changing.  However, there is a way to live your best life possible knowing there are no guarantees at all. It all comes down to this: Trusting Yourself.

Trusting that you won't abandon yourself in your time of need. That, no matter what happens, you can count on yourself to face any situation. It's having a deep sense of faith about your ability to care for yourself knowing that within you there is a determined spirit to survive.

In the end, it's about betting on yourself rather than on a certain outcome. You are the sure thing and trusting that is an absolute necessity for a fulfilled life.

For many, this is a learning process, and that's okay. 

I hope you feel inspired to trust yourself more and be blown away by what you see!

Thank you for reading.

 

Look to This Day

 

Look to this day
For it is life,
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
The realities and verities of existence,
The bliss of growth,
The splendor of action,
The glory of power-

For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today, well lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

                                 -Sanskrit Proverb

I read this poem every day as part of my morning ritual to remember my real life is happening today.

The message is quite simple: life is in the here and now moments.

The more I remind myself of this, the more I believe it, and the more I live it. 

We have a choice about what to focus on and how we are going to live. I choose Now. This perspective has made it easier for me to give priority to what is important and meaningful in my life. 

Today is the day to focus on. There is no other time more real than the here and now. You can think about the past, the future, or both, but you live now, the present moment. 

You can examine your past to learn from it; transform pain and heal old wounds, just don't stay there. You can look to the future, to plan and commit to what's important for you, but again, don't stay there. Come back to the moment. Being here, now, is where your life is happening. Don't miss out on it.

Staying focused in the present is the best strategy I know to help you worry less about what happened in the past and fear less what might happen in the future. If your attention is on today, life becomes more manageable and you will see that for today you are able to be with things as they are. 

You will inevitably have setbacks and challenges, but what matters most is how willing you are to come back to the moment. When we let past hurts or current and future concerns dominate our present, we allow depressive and anxious thoughts back in. 

Change can only happen in the present, and this is the only time we have any control over. 

What does it take to keep our attention on the here and now? Willingness to learn. Openness to try. Then do it. Practice: frequently (often), regularly (daily), and intensely (strong effort). 

Practice looking at "what is" not "what if." If you get stuck on the what ifs, tell yourself you will face whatever happens and get through it. You can also keep it simple and state the truth: these are just thoughts, not facts. Your mind is engaging in habitual behavior. That's all it is. These basic tools work to bring us closer to something we all want- peace of mind.

Accepting the moment as it is, invites inner-peace and clarity and allows us to see our path much clearer. Awareness with deeper understanding will begin to emerge, making the possibility of change a reality.  

Look to this day, for it is life, the very life of life!

Source: 
The original source is generally attributed to kalidasa, an Indian Sanskrit poet and playwright during the 4th-5th Century A.D.

The poem is widely available on the web with slight variations.

Thank you for reading.

The Law of Little Things

                               

                                 "Every little thing you do leads up to a bigger thing."
                                                          George St-Pierre

                                                           

The law of little things

I recently attended a webinar on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy led by Dr. Mardoche Sidor, of the SWEET Institute who spoke about the law of little things as it relates to promoting self-esteem. He was describing a simple behavioral tool that can help us move from point A to point B using the least amount of effort possible.

Applying the law of little things

According to Dr. Sidor, the way to apply the law of little things is to do the smallest things that you can in anything that you are doing to keep going and get it done. It is about breaking up the task/goal to the smallest step to keep going and keep doing-until you achieve your goal.

The law of little things is a simple and very doable approach that can make change in your life much more manageable. Another way of understanding this is by thinking of it as the least effort principle to get you to initiate change. It works.

When you can't seem to get started on the problem/task/goal

Focus on small decisions, small steps and small actions. All it takes is one step forward and you are on your way toward your goals. Why not take a moment to think of one tiny step you can take today, maybe right now.

What is the smallest thing you can do to get started on the problem/goal. Taking any initiative is key to making change happen.

We can tackle anything we set our mind to do including achieving a larger goal if we are willing to break it down into manageable parts. 

Whatever it is you want to accomplish, break the problem/goal into small steps. The more of these little steps you get done, the better you will feel about yourself. Your self-confidence will get a boost with each small victory and you will want to do more as you see yourself getting better.

Focus your attention on incremental change, improvements and progress, rather than the results. Don't worry about how long it will take you to complete the goal. Making progress on things that matter to you will do two very important things: increase motivation to keep going and create forward momentum. We all have motivation, we just have to find ways to tap into it.

Be consistent in your efforts and follow through. In other words, don't give up. Change happens bit by bit, not suddenly.

Should you experience setbacks and lose your course of direction, get back on track as quickly as you are able to.

Little by little we accomplish small, attainable goals and experience small successes that can lead to big change over time. Small steps add up and therein lies its power.

You can put the law of little things to work for you right now. All you have to do is take that first step and start small.

Remember, it's all about making progress and building on small wins which can bring on further wins. 

The next time you feel overwhelmed, remember the law of little things. This strategy will help you when your path is unclear and you're just trying to get through minute by minute, day by day. In times like these, give yourself little goals that are easier to reach to keep you going.

Thank you for reading!