How Can I Help?

            
           
Please remember, it is what you are that heals, not what you know. - Carl Jung

How can we help those we love when they are in pain? As a therapist, I am often asked this question. Although, every situation is unique based on the person's needs and particular circumstances, my response is the same: Be present with them, open your heart, and become a healing presence.

We help those in need when we open our hearts to them. Don't worry about knowing what to say to someone who is turning to you for support. Knowledge is a great asset, however, this can only take us but so far in deepening our connection with others who are in pain. Those who are hurting are not necessarily turning to you for answers. What they are looking for is to be heard. They want to be listened to. You can help by listening with your heart and allowing them to reveal the pain that is inside them.

Being a healing presence to someone in need:

Start by listening. Don't add to what is being said, take away from it, or try to fix it.

Respect where the person is emotionally. Don't be quick to take away someone's pain. It is there for a reason and will lift when the individual is ready.

Be empathic. Put yourself in their place and have a mental picture of what this person is experiencing and then communicate this back to them so that they feel understood and less alone. Empathy is a quality that allows us to feel what others are feeling.

Understand that while we are all different we are in many ways the same. We all feel pain.

Validation is key in our communication with others. We all want to be seen and to be heard. Those who are hurting want to know that what they have shared means something to you.

Ask them what they need. This shows that you care and helps you to see what the real need is in the person you are trying to help.

These are the healing qualities that give comfort and bring us closer to those we love when they are in need. It is how we touch someone who is in pain.

I have found that certain phrases can help initiate a healing experience for those who have a story to tell. I begin by saying anyone of these: "Talk to me,"  "Tell me what's going on," " I want to hear everything you have to say," and "How can I help." This conveys the message that I am here for them and I want to hear about what they are going through.

Take note of this: The best gift you can give someone you love is you, your time, your attention, and your loving care. It's your presence that matters most in their life and in all of your important relationships with others.

Thank you for reading!