Keep Your Heart Open

Piece by Piece
Kelly Clarkson

And all I remember is your back
Walking towards the airport, leaving us all in your past
I traveled fifteen hundred miles to see you
I begged you to want me, but you didn't want to
But piece by piece, he collected me
Off the ground, where you abandoned things
Piece by piece he filled the holes that you burned in me
Six years old and you know
He never walks away
He never asks for money
He takes care of me
He loves me
Piece by piece, he restores my faith
That a man can be kind and a father could, stay
And all of your words fall flat
I made something of myself and now you wanna come back
But your love, it isn't free. it has to be earned
Back then I didn't have anything you needed so I was worthless
But piece by piece, he collected me up
Off the...
But piece by piece, he collected me up
Off the ground, where you abandoned things
Piece by piece he filled the holes that you burned in me
Six years old and you know
He never walks away
He never asks for money
He takes care of me
'Cause he loves me
Piece by piece, he restored my faith
That a man can be kind and a father could, stay
Piece by piece
Piece by piece I fell far from the tree
I will never leave her like you left me
And she will never have to wonder her worth
Because unlike you I'm going to put her first and you know
He'll never walk away,
He'll never break her heart
He'll take care of things, he'll love her
Piece by piece, he restored my faith
That a man can be kind and the father should be great
Piece by piece
Piece by piece

What I love about this song is that its message reveals a very important truth about life we all need to remember: We are wounded in the context of our relationships and we are also healed by them. The road to healing, however, can only happen by keeping our heart open.

The song's lyrics, which focus on the issue of abandonment in the form of an absent parent who chooses to physically and emotionally not have contact with his child, also shows the adult child being restored through love. As in the song, piece by piece, the best antidote for the pain of abandonment is love, but we must remain open to giving and receiving.

Adults who were abandoned as children either physically or emotionally by a parent or caregiver often struggle with self-esteem, trust, fear of abandonment, intimacy and commitment, emotional dependency, and self-neglect. They grow up with guilt that somehow they did something to make this person go away and shame about who they are: unworthy and unlovable. Abandonment sends a clear message to the child that he/she is not important and does not matter. This is the painful message the child internalizes and needs to heal from. It is not uncommon for people to find themselves re-enacting their childhood abuse by choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable and share some of the traits of the abusive parent(s). Breaking this cycle of neglect while at the same time opening up to loving again needs to become a primary focus of healing.

If abandonment is one of the many pieces in your life, I am here to tell you that you can change, grow, and make progress in spite of, or because of it. As a survivor, you are part of a group that is made up of the strongest people around. I should know, I work with them.

Here's the good news: There are parents who were neglected, who are loving, involved, and present in their children's lives. Yes, it's very possible to do the complete opposite of what was done to you. You might be someone who carries the pain of emotional neglect and is in a loving relationship. It's not only possible, it's real. Here's why: Life is really about choices and the decisions we make. Coming out of our deepest hurts is a matter of choice.

Personal therapy can also facilitate a healing interaction that brings about a corrective emotional experience based on trust and validation. It is important to tell your story and be listened to. Understanding the full impact of the parenting you received, making peace with the past, and improving your relationship with yourself can create a significant shift in your relationships with others. A big part of your healing will entail changing negative beliefs about yourself and feeling worthy independent from the actions of others. Good therapy will support any and all efforts to keep your heart open because this is how we get our life back on track. Remember, all of your experiences have helped to form the person you have become. We must take the good, the bad, and the ugly and work with it. In life, it is not the hand you're dealt with, but how you play the game.

Reasons to keep your heart open

- Some of us become stronger because of pain, others because of love, but it's the combination of the two that give life meaning.
- Sometimes by learning what love isn't, we are better able to see what love is.
- Undoing the negative effects of the past is something many of us are doing piece by piece.
- It's not what happens to you. It is what you tell yourself about what happened that can make all the difference to your life.
- Don't let the past cheat you of happiness and well-being.
- Closing your heart to avoid pain will inevitably keep out love. Is this what you really want?
- Everything that has happened to you has led to the person you are today- someone with strengths and weaknesses. Although, you wouldn't wish your pain on others, remember your strong parts came from that pain as well.
- There are some things we don't get over, we just need to get past it to be okay.
- When you tumble and fall, get back up and try again. That's all.
- Life is not always fair. We still need to work with it.
- Those who hurt us, also strengthen us.
- When we can't change a situation, the best thing to do is to change ourselves.
- You were devalued not because there was something lacking in you, but because of what was lacking in others.
- Understanding is key to letting go of the pain.
- As an adult, you have choices and freedoms you didn't have as a child.
- You went through it once and lived to talk about it, so there is no need to keep reliving your painful past in your heart.
- Learning to give yourself what you are wanting others to give to you can only happen with an open heart.
- Frankly, life is too short to be preoccupied with pain from the past. Move on.
- We can't start to heal if we close our heart and deny our feelings.
- Keeping an open heart gives you access to loving again. There's no other way for love to get through.
- The alternative to keeping your heart open is a life in which you are continuously closing yourself off from living life to the fullest. What does that look like and more importantly, what does that feel like to you?
- When you open your heart, you invite vulnerability, but you also attract the life that you desire.

Last word

To all the wonderful people in my life who never give up, you teach me, better yet, remind me why having hope matters. To keep your heart open in spite of it all is what a living miracle is to me.

Thank you for reading.