An' here I go again on my own.
Goin' down
the only road I've ever known...
-Whitesnake
Here I go again, thinking unhelpful thoughts... sound familiar? It's quite common and whether you call it negative thinking, self-defeating thinking, or faulty thinking, it's pretty much all the same - unhelpful.
Often, unhelpful thoughts serve to bring us down; we feel bad and assume the worst about ourselves. They impact our mood, decisions, and ultimately our actions. Sometimes these thoughts just pop into our mind but more likely tend to occur before, during or following anxiety provoking situations causing stress, worry, and fear.
In general, unhelpful thinking patterns develop over time and through repetition, become habitual, compromise sound judgment and undermine emotional health. Most of us already know this, and yet can't help ourselves from goin' down this negative path and heading straight toward emotional hurt.
Here are some examples of unhelpful thinking patterns:
1- Filtering-Focusing only on the negative aspects of a situation, and leaving out the positive.
2- Disqualifying the Positive- Discounting or minimizing the positive by downplaying our accomplishments and disregarding our personal attributes.
3- Forecasting- Predicting that a future event or situation will turn out badly without there being any evidence.
4- Mind Reading- Jumping to conclusion by assuming we know what other people are thinking about us (usually negative).
5- Comparison Thinking- Judging ourselves negatively against others and feeling inadequate.
6- Self-Critical- Typically involves self-attacks; putting ourselves down.
7- Should, Must, and Ought- Creates undue pressure to do things a certain way; a set-up for negative self-judgment based on unrealistic demands.
8- Judgmental- Critical of self and others; rushing to judgment; being closed-minded on our opinion about self, others, or the world around us.
9- Emotional Reasoning- Believing that our emotional reactions reflect the way things really are, regardless of the observed evidence. For instance, if you feel guilty, that must mean you did something bad.
10- Making Mountains out of Molehills- Making more of a situation than there really is; getting all worked up over minor issues.
11- Magnifying- Anticipating the worst possible outcome; living with a sense of impending doom.
12- All or Nothing- we think in extremes. Things are either good or bad; there is no middle ground.
13- Ruminating- Repetitive thinking about situations or life events that are upsetting.
14- Blaming- Putting blame on ourselves or others for one's pain.
15- Personalization- Believing that everything others say and do is somehow directly related to us.
Managing our troubling thoughts:
Managing our troubling thoughts:
It is clear that these thoughts are not useful nor helpful in one's life. Consistently getting into these distressing thinking patterns, and staying there, doesn't help us see the bigger picture in life. In fact, it limits our perspective of self and others and keeps us from seeing what is and how things really are.
Let's put first things first: Identify your thought patterns. Awareness is always the first step towards change. By naming your thought patterns, you can regain a realistic perspective.
Don't get hung up trying to eliminate unwanted thoughts. Instead, focus on recognizing when you are thinking and speaking negatively, catch yourself, and STOP, then REFRAME each thought as quickly as possible. Replace unpleasant thoughts with positive ones. Come up with short phrases like affirmations or quotes that are self-supporting to help you step back and get some distance from upsetting thoughts. You might also want to try distracting yourself from these uncomfortable thoughts. There is a saying, "bring the body, and the mind will follow" which simply means, move and change the behavior to get back on track. Positive movement can lead to positive thinking.
The name of the game is: Interrupt the pattern again, and again.
Get in the habit of questioning the validity of these thoughts and noticing the link between your thoughts and how you feel.
It may help to remember, you are the one doing the thinking and therefore, you are the one who can change it. If not you, then who? Once you realize this, you can choose to engage or disengage from certain thoughts that are upsetting you and decide what to do next. In other words, ask yourself how you want to proceed.
Our thoughts are just that, thoughts that are not necessarily accurate. We give them their force and we can take it away by simply acknowledging their presence and saying something along the lines of "here I go again or there's another one." Observe your thoughts, choose not to engage with them, then let the clouds of thoughts pass through.
My personal favorite strategy is the title of a book by Paul Arden, "Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite." This title works wonders for me.
So the next time unhelpful thoughts enter your mind...
Stop to Say, "here I go again"... name the thought pattern, and as quickly as you can, switch to "here's the alternative..."
Examples of helpful alternatives:
1- Focus on what could go right instead of what could go wrong.
2- Stop competing against others and start connecting with them.
3- This too, shall pass.
4- See what is in front of you and not just what's in your head.
5- It's not a bad life, just a bad day.
6- Sometimes the best reaction is no reaction.
7- Laugh at yourself.
8- Choose peace rather than needing to be right all the time.
9- The past is past, what's real is right here, right now.
10- It's not the power of the past, it's the power I give to it.
11- I am devastated, but not destroyed.
12- Feelings are not facts.
13- Beating myself up never works.
14- Mistakes are part of being human.
15- It's ok, the sky's not falling.
16- I need to get out of my own way and not take things too seriously.
17- Misery is optional.
18- I don't need to be perfect to be accepted.
19- Praise yourself.
20- I'm thinking too much about life, rather than living it.
You may discover some of these wise sayings work for you, however, consider coming up with some of your own. New ways of thinking takes work and effort, but with practice we can learn to calm the mind, improve our mood and quiet our fears.
When you find yourself going there again, remember not to stay too long or else life will pass you by.
And I've made up my mind I ain't
wasting no more time.
- Whitesnake "Here I Go Again"
Resource:
www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/UnhelpfulThinkingHabitsWithAlternatives.pdf
Thank you for reading!
