" Your problem is you're...too busy holding onto your unworthiness." - Ram Dass
Self-neglect in simple terms, is acting against yourself. It manifests itself when self-love is in short supply.
It hurts to live this way and it hurts to see those we love and care for self-neglecting. If you are one to neglect your wants, needs, and personal responsibilities, this is my message to you- It is never, ever okay to abandon yourself. Mistreating yourself is wrong, hurtful and destructive. You are worth loving. You can learn to give yourself your own love and affection. But first, you must be willing to see that what you are doing is a form of self-betrayal and unacceptable.
Here is what you need to understand: Self-neglect is essentially neglect of one's life. My question to you: Who treated you poorly and made you feel you were not worthy of love? When we act against ourselves we are essentially continuing where others who hurt us left off. We may be resentful of what others have done to us, but we must look at what we are continuing to do to ourselves.
There are some who have learned to see self-care as being selfish, self-serving and self-involved. They feel guilty whenever they help themselves and do good. Holding on to this way of thinking is unhelpful and contributes to a perpetual state of unhappiness. The truth is that learning to take better care of ourselves is a life necessity and not a selfish act. As we learn better self-care, we become healthier in the awareness that how we treat ourselves is completely up to us. You have a right to feel good about yourself and self-neglect will never get you there.
Understanding with compassion why we do what we do can be the start to breaking the cycle of self-neglect. Often, when we feel defeated by life, and by those who have harmed us, we react by turning on ourselves. But acting against ourselves is not helpful. Perhaps your self-neglecting choices and behaviors stem from unresolved rage, sadness, resentments, grief, unhelpful guilt, or self-loathing. There may be a yearning for love, a fantasy that just maybe someone will save you from yourself and then everything will be fine. Maybe the root cause is a lack of forgiveness over past actions and the need for self-punishment for all the woulda-coulda-shouldas that never happened. Whatever the case may be, you don't have to do this anymore. Believe that you are capable of changing.
Consider taking on a new perspective about yourself and life in general.
Food for thought:
1. The opposite of self-neglect is helping yourself and doing what is good for you.
2. Pay attention to yourself in all the right ways.
3. Observe yourself in action. Notice if it's been you all along blocking your own pathway.
4. Look to see if what you are doing is helpful or not. Your life, Your responsibility. No one else can do this but you.
5. Clarify your values on living better and base your actions on supporting what is most important to you. Honor your value system and live by it. It works.
6. Ask yourself the following: What matters most to me and am I living it? How is what I'm doing working for me in my life today?
7. There are always alternatives to current behaviors. The choice is yours to make.
8. When you see yourself repeating old patterns of behavior that no longer serve you well, look for ways to bring yourself to a place of health without critical judgment.
9. Learn to give yourself what you are wanting others to give. It starts with you.
10. Live more authentically as you approach each new day by honoring both your inner and outer self. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
11. Stop believing your own negative thoughts. Allow positive thoughts to come in its place. Repeat until you can accept them as being true for you.
12. See your life journey for what it is- life experiences made up of some good, some bad with everything just being a matter of perspective.
13. Stop living in the past. The present is where you will find life, love and joy.
14. Focus on what you can do rather than on what you cannot do. Change what you can and make peace with the rest.
15. Forgive yourself so you can leave behind people, places and things that are unhealthy for you. Repeat: I forgive myself. Keep saying it until believe it.
16. The best way to move past a heavy heart: feel your feelings, all of them. Acknowledge them, then release your grip on them. Let them go until you meet again. And then do it all over again.
17. You can go from being a victim, to being a survivor, and then to living. It's true, just ask someone who has been there and has come out stronger in their understanding that life is what you make it out to be.
18. Life is to be lived one day at a time and so is self-healing. Change is made more manageable when we are willing to take small steps day in and day out.
19. Let in other people who love and support you. Allow for others to help you. Free yourself from isolation and watch yourself go. This is what I call real life miracles in our everyday living.
20. Remember, we are ALL wounded. Do the right thing on your behalf and don't worry about the outcome. Any small steps you take will ALWAYS be better than none at all.
A better life begins with you.
Thank you for reading!
