Value Who You Are

A short story on valuing yourself no matter what.

Twenty Dollars
- Author Unknown

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you- but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "what if I do this?" He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by...WHO WE ARE.

You are special - don't ever forget it.


My thoughts on self-value and the importance of becoming aware of how we look at ourselves:

Valuing and accepting ourselves may not always be easy, but we must keep at it. And here's why: The most important relationship a person can have is the one with his or her own self. This is a fact, not an opinion.

Self-value is pivotal for anyone who is committed to health. When you value who you are, not just with words but in action, you inadvertently let others know how you expect to be treated.

It's bad enough when others try to devalue us because of what is lacking in them, but even worse when we do it to ourselves.

Unfortunately, so many of us have learned to focus on what we are not, rather than what we are. We focus on the negative and forget about the positives. No matter what we do, whether big or small, we tend to zero in on our mistakes and imperfections. We ignore or minimize our achievements and ruminate over our perceived failures. Then we let these "failures" define us. But here's the thing: The feeling of shame that is often part of this scenario is not reality based given the nature of the situation or circumstance.

What's the alternative? Honor your strengths, acknowledge your limitations, accept the mix of both and get to feel better about who you are. It is only by recognizing and building on our strengths that we are then able to find the courage to change.

Give your attention to what you can do rather than what you can't do. Know that self-value is best demonstrated by the actions you are willing to take on your own behalf. I firmly believe success in our lives mostly comes from saying, "yes, I can"  "I will" and challenging yourself with, "Why not me?"

It is important to know that self-value rises and falls based on what we think, what we say, how we feel, and how we act. The wise thing to do is to frequently look at yourself without tearing yourself up inside and make adjustments along the way.

Should you find yourself with people who don't see you for who you are, the best choice may be to let go and move on. Tell yourself, hard choices are part of life and you deserve better.

Make it an essential part of self-care to discover healing sources in people, places and things that strengthen your spirit, and help you see your worth. Learn to support yourself with kindness, love and respect, knowing the one person you will always be with is you.

Your best life comes when you value yourself!

This piece is dedicated to a special someone named Kara, who is starting a new chapter in her life. It is my wish for you that wherever you go, wherever you are, in good times, and in bad times, may you always remember the value of you.

Talk For Healing

"It isn't the trauma that makes us sick. It's the inability to talk about the trauma." -Alice Miller

In recovery circles, it is often said, we are as sick as the secret we keep. I firmly believe this to be true. As a therapist, it is my task to help clients understand it is not what is said, but rather what is left unsaid that can keep them "stuck" and unable to change unhealthy behaviors.

The psychological maxim: "Name it, Claim it, Tame it" is a healthier alternative that helps us heal and move forward. It is my belief that we can get through anything if we are willing and able to talk about it.

Talk is for me a healing cleansing. It is an instant catharsis. Intense feelings become less intense after a good talk with someone you trust and this can bring about immense relief.

There is no doubt about the incredible healing effects of talking and being listened to-whether you talk with a friend, a family member, support group or therapist, this duality is naturally therapeutic. The act of telling your story is empowering and the act of listening is valuing the speaker and showing that what he/she is saying is important. This combination is perhaps the most powerful tool of healing.

But here's the best part of honestly sharing your thoughts and feelings: you get to own them. Anything that we claim as ours, we can release. What we get in return is our freedom from what binds us to past and/or present hurts.

Talk for healing.

You decide.